Thursday, August 18, 2011

Conan The Barbarian Trailer Day

Happy Conan The Barbarian Trailer Day! As you all know, Conan has been remade into a 3D extravaganza. There will be (in no special order):

  • Darkly ominous CG matte-painted backgrounds

  • Lots of "Ssch-Liiiing!" sword sound-effects

  • Explosions (explosions?)

  • Unspeakable evil

  • A large tentacled creature

  • Line readings through gritted teeth

  • Screaming, horse-back riding

  • Long, grimy hair, in need of conditioner

  • Seething rage

  • A spooky witch lady with raisin-colored lipstick

  • Pounding orchestrated migraine-triggering soundtrack


Of course, for some, there can be only ONE Conan.

1 comment:

John said...

I saw it last night under duress. What a horrid mess of a movie, made palatable by Jason Momoas pectorals bouncing around in 3d :)

It gets my vote for one of the worst first 5 minutes of any movie though. His battle scarred mother fights to the death while 9 months pregnant on the battlefield, and his father gives her a crude cesarian section so she can see her son before she dies.

Almost everybody in the theater was giggling about how incredibly over the top and awful that was.