Is Public Access Television Capable of Slowing Time?

There's a dadaist public access television show here in Portland called The Von Hummer Hour that features a constantly singing and guitar-playing guy wearing glasses with eyes painted on them and rubber lobsters all around his head. It deserves serious study.

I have this theory that public access television can actually slow the passage of time. Hear me out: a segment of "entertainment" or religious sermoning or a serious meditation on the meaning of life can be listed at perhaps 2 minutes 53 seconds, but do you notice that it's the longest 2 minutes and 53 seconds you've ever experienced? That's because it's on public access television and time functions differently there.

Hey our new President, Mr. Cool, likes science and I think this is a theory worth exploring. Plus this is the sweetest political week in a long, long time. Although the economy is still tanking by the minute, I want this moment to last. I know--I'll watch some public access TV!

The Hypnotic Eye Intro by Joe Riley - Dallas public access (caveat: this is actually entertaining)


Francine Dancer - Hollywood public access


Man Playing Hurdy Gurdy - early 90s public access*


Marilyn Manson Interview Pt. 3 - Dream Vision, 1993 public access


Agnostic Front - The Uncle Floyd Show, 1986 public access


Mental Note - Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch, 1992 Winnipeg public access*


*source: Classical Gas Emissions

Wired - Scientists: Time Itself May Be Slowing Down