Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan Grunge Makeover Time

Oops! Mitt has stepped into it, recently voicing the opinion of many a Republican voter. He said forty-seven percent of Americans (Obama voters) are dependent victims whose only goal is to mooch off American government programs as if they were the trust-fund teat of entitlement for housing, health and food. I paraphrase. But even conservatives like David Brooks are stepping up to say, "Hey, take a chill pill, Mitt Romney." Again, I paraphrase. It's the gist that counts.

It's time for a makeover, angry white dude style. There are a lot of angry white dudes out there who are voting Republican in 2012. Here are some actual quotes from Republican voters that I personally have been on the receiving end of in the past few years:

"I just want everyone's hand out of my pocket!"

"Obama is your puppet-master and all Democrats are ignorant!"

"Obama is an ashamed Muslim who has denied his faith. And is also a liar and a thug. I have nothing in common with that socialist non-American."

"Obama is a cancer that will spread across America!"

These are some severe opinions. Could it be the ugly head of racism that spews such venom? Republicans shake their heads vigorously, "NO NO! It has nothing to do with racism! Obama is just dumb and we hate him and he's not from here and he's lazy and not one of us! That's all! That's not racism—no sirree! We got rid of racism years ago!"

I BEG TO DIFFER. But that's for another several hundred posts.

Right now Romney's campaign is in big trouble and I'm here to help! I propose a makeover to reel in some more angry white dudes. Since running-mate Paul Ryan has been likened to the first Generation X politician by no less than the New York Times, my brilliant plan is straight-forward: Grunge Makeover. It's been over a decade and grunge is due for a comeback.

Although the tenets of grunge leaned toward the left, the anti-corporate, and the inclusive, that never stopped anyone from co-opting a movement before. Am I right, corporate interests? Besides, it's an easy fix—being entirely cosmetic in nature. Romney and Ryan can go about their business, playing to the tea party and alienating everyone else—they'll just look cooler while they do it.

Every makeover needs a muse. Who's our grunge muse? The choice is obvious: Jarod Leto. He looks the part and no one knows what he's really about. Perfect.

Jared Leto - grunge muse

Jared Leto's got it down. The slovenly attire, the unkempt rooster-do, the facial fur—why, he's cock of the walk! All the girls agree.


Let's get to it. First, a little Romney/Ryan fashion tweaking to bring in the youngsters. They care about such things.

Looking properly distressed, guys

Next, Romney needs to work on his devil-horn gestures. And muss up that hair, man! You're not running a corporation, are you? Well, are you?

Note: soul patch is the size of Romney's actual soul

Ryan's air quotes will generate that much more ironic meaning with the proper dye job. Blue says, "I'm patriotic, but still second banana!"

Now Ryan's ready to Rage Against the Machine!

Easy-peasy.