GOP Karaoke - Sing-along Campaign Songs for 2016

I've never tried karaoke. I don't drink much and the thought of getting in front of a barroom full of people and singing while sober is completely terrifying to me. But that doesn't mean I'm not inspired by the idea of karaoke, particularly during this election year when anything goes and probably will. GOP karaoke - it makes about as much sense as anything we've seen on the U.S. political stage thus far.

With apologies to the great Pointer Sisters, here is Trump (Vote for Trump) sung to the tune of Jump (For My Love). This version wrote itself, or rather was written in his own words, so as you sing, you ARE Donald Trump. Doesn't that sound immersive? I hope that by the time you reach the bridge, you realize how completely insane you sound and come to your senses, but if not, at least someone might buy you a round at the bar. Or kick you out. We're so divided these days.

Here you go, with an instrumental to sing along to:



Trump (Vote For Trump)

I will
build a great wall
And nobody
builds walls
better than me
I’ll build them
very inexpensively
I will build a great wall
on our southern border
Oh baby!
They’re bringing drugs
They’re bringing crime
They’re rapists and some I assume are good people
And I’ll make Mexico pay
For that wall, wall, wall!

So vote
For Donald Trump
Vote me in!
I’m very rich
Vote!
If Ivanka weren’t my daughter
Perhaps I’d be dating her
Vote, vote for Donald Trump
Vote!
My fingers are long and beautiful
Vote me in!
As are various other parts of my body
Vote!
If Ivanka weren’t my daughter
Perhaps I’d be dating her
Vote, vote for Donald Trump

The point is
I can never be too greedy
My IQ is one of the highest
Don’t feel so stupid or insecure
It’s not your fault
Oh baby!
Lyin’ Ted Cruz just used a picture
Of Melania from a shoot in his ad
Be careful Lyin’ Ted
Or I will spill the beans on your wife!

So vote
For Donald Trump
Vote me in!
I’m very rich!
Vote!
If Ivanka weren’t my daughter
Perhaps I’d be dating her
Vote, vote for Donald Trump!
Vote!
My fingers are long and beautiful
As are various other parts of my body
Vote!
If Ivanka weren’t my daughter
Perhaps I’d be dating her
Vote, vote for Donald Trump

[bridge]:

Look at those hands
Are they small hands?
And Rubio referred to my hands
'If they’re small, something else must be small'
I guarantee you
There’s no problem
I guarantee!

Vote!
Vote me in!
If Ivanka weren’t my daughter
Perhaps I’d be dating her
Vote, vote for Donald Trump!
My fingers are long and beautiful
As are various other parts of my body
Vote me in!
I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody
and I wouldn't lose voters
Vote!

C’mon vote me in!
I need it!
Gimme Gimme!
Vote!
Vote me in!
Vote, vote for Donald Trump!



Let's not forget Ted Cruz. Or better yet, let's. *Groan,* that guy. I guess he should get a karaoke song too, but what a loser. The GOP deserves these terrible campaign songs.

Here's Ted Cruz, sung to the late, great Donna Summer's Bad Girls. I'll always love ya, Donna, and I apologize.



Ted Cruz

Toot toot
Hey, beep beep

Ted Cruz
Talk about a bad choice
Ted Cruz
What a bad, bad choice, yeah

Won’t vote for the violence against women act
Won’t support gay marriage
Even though Supreme Court ruled gay marriage is a right
States rights excuse for bigotry
Somehow worse than Trump

Is this the best
We can do?
These GOP front runners
Are full of poo

Ted Cruz
Talk about the bad choice
Ted Cruz
What a bad, bad choice, yeah

Won’t protect the environment
Doesn’t think climate change is a thing to fight
Yes to guns, no on universal health
Restrict a woman’s right to choose

Is this the best
We can do?
These GOP front runners
Are full of poooooooo

Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz
You’re such a shitty bad choice
beep beep, uh-huh
Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz
You’re such a shitty bad choice

Common Core is on your shit list
But your state textbooks are full of shit
You think you can bomb ISIS into the stone age
But that’s not how bombs work

Toot toot
Hey, beep beep
Hey Ted Cruz! Did you shut Congress down?
Ted Cruz! ‘Cause you didn’t get your way?
You can’t tantrum us back to the stone age
Planned Parenthood is here to stay

Hey Ted Cruz!
You’re Snidely Whiplash without the charm
A cartoon villain with cartoon ways
Hey Ted Cruz!
Can’t even beat Trump!
Good luck with that!

Ted Cruz
Talk about a bad choice
Ted Cruz
What a bad, bad choice