Not ANOTHER Crazy Dream

They just keep on coming. This one was around 4:40 this morning during what must have been a pre-earthquake before the 4.0+ quake shook us awake like an angry mother trying to get her kids up for school.

It started as an anxiety dream where we moved to a new house and the neighbors were part of the Gotti family. In the course of many strange occurences, all the Gotti kids were having a sleep-over in several bunk beds that all started careening across the bedroom floor, tipping and breaking and traveling in manic fashion. Suddenly, it became part of a Broadway musical and the kids all started singing "Rock & Roll High School." Stagehands came running and patched all the split wood with duct tape. The bunk beds continued ka-lumping across the floor. The kids kept singing, trying to hang on. The last chorus, they all sang in unison, "Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Rock & roll high school!"

And my bed shook me awake, the windows rattled, and a bottle of shower gel fell into the shower stall with a thud. If you're going to be awakened by an earthquake, make it a musical event.

Local Yokels

Are you wandering around Oakland, wondering what to buy or where to hang out? OaklandGoods will steer you straight.

You can't enter the Oakland Mormon Temple unless you're a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--but you can download some Temple wallpaper for your computer decorating scheme.

Steam Trains in Berkeley?

Do you like photographs of modern architecture in San Francisco? So does Le Blog Exuberance.

Politics in Contra Costa County? Check out Halfway to Concord, featuring a photo header of the Mt. Zion quarry behind my childhood home.

Do you think the Marin County Civic Center, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, is totally awesome? Here's a photo essay of its design and construction. Why not check out the construction of the Golden Gate Bridge, while you're at it? Would you have liked to ride the rails through Marin at the turn of the century? It would have looked like this.

Attempting to remodel your home in the Bay Area by yourself? Misery loves company:
1oldhouse.blogspot.com
47ranchdressing.blogspot.com
casadecrepit.com (check out the "Crimes Against Victorians" post--very Bay Area)

Coming in September: ArtCar Fest fever--catch it!

When Stevie Nicks was Queen

Long ago, in 1983, the reigning queen of pop music did not lip synch, kept her drug use under wraps for most of the decade, made sure her shows were entertaining and had some pretty killer big hair (presumably all her own). I never really got into her shtick because she seemed so "mannered." I liked talented control-freak Lindsey Buckingham better. But in hindsight, I've come to appreciate the greatness that was Stevie Nicks. Now you can too. Check out that 80s energy emanating all around the stage.

(The best Stevie Nicks video on YouTube was taken away from us so you'll have to settle for this "Solid Gold" appearance. Definitely second best, at best.)

I had this crazy dream...

...don't you hate sentences that start like that? And the dream usually is crazy--crazy boring! No one wants to hear your dreams--that's how it is. But I really did have this crazy dream last night and I'm going to type it here for posterity. Sometimes dreams just scream for attention, you know?

I dreamt we were looking for another rental apartment to move into and a young couple offered to show us theirs. It wasn't too impressive, but we were friendly with them as we looked around. The man and woman who lived there were musicians (I'm kind of a musician too) but they were not friendly at all. In fact, they were pretty snotty towards us, not making any effort to be kind or even polite. Later, we returned to the apartment while they were out, to give it one last look-over. I noticed from all the memorabilia, posters and photos on the walls that they had been in Toad the Wet Sprocket. I yelled, "They were all snotty to us because they had been in TOAD THE WET SPROCKET?!"

See? Ca-razy! Needless to say, we didn't take the apartment. Besides, the washer/dryer were coin-op and I can never come up with enough quarters.

Note: any similarity to members of Toad the Wet Sprocket is entirely coincidental.

Important Ukulele News

This Friday, July 6th, The Tatami Mats will perform "Dark Side of the Uke"--a ukulele-only version of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." Why is this happening? It's the second anniversary of The Knockout at Mission and Valencia in San Fran., 10 p.m. start time. Too rich for my blood, but I'm always up for some ukulele orchestrations. May the spirit of Don Ho be with them.

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Pride-arrific

Happy Pride Day. I'll be celebrating my dad's 70th birthday tomorrow and needless to say, we won't be at the parade. But here are some photos I've purloined from SFGate.com. Hope they don't mind. You can see their series of photos from the last seven years of parades here. Dig that crazy scene!

Looking good Mayor Newsom. Sir Ian McKellan is beaming--he's adorable. It looks to me that if you are a contingent of the "Balloon Magic" group, you can plan on doing some heavy-duty partying before, during and after the parade--Balloon Magic just has that "look" to it. I love the furry angel wings on the bears. Do you think heaven is full of leather guys in furry wings? Conservative Christians will be bummed. Good.









Many years ago, I marched in the parade with this certifiably nut-job political group. We chanted "Money for AIDS, not for war!" And some people cheered but some people looked glum--like, "Don't rain on our parade, nutty political group." I admit, our group was not as endearing as the people who dressed up as life-sized bags of groceries for the "Meals on Wheels" float. Or THAT guy above. That's pride.

Last photo. Awww--that's some balloon magic right there.

Oh look--more old stuff

More children's book weirdness from the donation box at work. Obviously, I have a great job--it only took 25 years to find one. This book is from 70s-era Japan and simply contains beautifully illustrated renditions of toys. Very innocent. If I were 2, I'd read this every day!

Hey, look at this old stuff

Arty bloggers are always posting their weird found objects and saying, "Hey, look at this old stuff I found." This blog is no different. I found some children's books in the donation box at work this week. They're old and weird and here they are.

Enjoying Reading is a British reading primer from 1966 that had a decidedly dark view of the reading experience. Check out this book cover.

Nothing says Enjoying Reading like falling through a frozen pond. I hope that guy with the jaunty cap can hang on. I like how half the spectators are little children--what a fun day for all!

Inside are some visual vocabulary builders.
The sentence describing #6: "This is a tramp." Despite appearances, the guy in #2 is not a grave-digger, he is merely, "making a trench." And what's going on in #8? Why, she's "making the donkey trot."
More dark lessons in life. There has been a car crash. There is a crack in the cup. He eats a crust. The apples are crushed. It's like a bunch of clues in "Veronica Mars" as directed by David Lynch. I liked Veronica Mars--she was saucy.
I don't know what's going on here but that clown is really demented (or "funny" as described in the book) and the puppy is not rabid, only happy. Enjoyable!

Betty Boop in "Minnie The Moocher"

1934 - Betty Boop, Cab Calloway, Max Fleischer and thou.


LikeTelevision Embed Movies and TV Shows

Can I edit my Profile?

I've been trying to get a little photo up for my profile but Blogger keeps taking it down. So here's a THIRD attempt. This time I'm using an image from an Acquanetta movie poster from the 40s. This site is named after one of her films. And so it's time once more to pay tribute to one of the Hollywood's great failures, ableit a beautiful one. Here's to you Aquanetta, a.k.a. Mildred Davenport. I'm only trying to exploit your image so that a handful of people can read my boring profile. Here's the full-on poster. Don't you wish you could rent this on DVD? With director commentary?

Exciting New Product Line for Today's Now Consumer

In keeping with the concept of Joy Division Sneakers, I came up with some new clothing design ideas that will combine the latest in active-wear with the music-makers of yesterday and today. I think you'll be very pleased by the selection, quality and "now" factor. Please do not steal these ideas, as they are: patent pending.

First up--the Green Day Polo. Wear Billie Joe, Mike and Tre Cool proudly on the breast pocket of this ongoing classic-style shirt. Features breathable, durable cotton mesh; two-button placket, ribbed collar/armbands; and uneven vented hem. Available in several colors including cornflower, dusty sage, autumn leaf and pineapple.

close-up view

Men's Nirvana Nevermind moisture-wicking underwear features exclusive lightweight and silky fabric engineered for breathability and moisture transport. Enjoy the freedom of a boxer with the support of a brief--as alternative as you want to be. Also available In Utero.

The Dead Kennedys are considered one of the most important American hardcore punk bands of the 1980s, and now you can enjoy the comfort of their legacy with these high-quality sports socks. Athletic socks are an essential component of your active footwear. Don't censor your abilities--the right punk rock sock can mean the difference between success and failure on the playing field.

Celebrate the early 80s punk ska movement with the Circle Jerks cargo pant. Your old-school, hardcore style just got more convenient with all the storage you need for keys, wallets, cell phones, PDA and more. Never leave home short-handed again.

AND for a limited time, we offer this special one-off product: James Iha's fart in a jar. James Iha--guitarist extraordinaire of Smashing Pumpkins and solo career fame, has graciously licensed his precious emissions, now available for the first time. Certificate of authenticity is included.

Nu Shoes

Custom-designed New Balance shoes inspired by Joy Division's 1979 debut, "Unknown Pleasures." Kind of sporty.

So very many Love Will Tear Us Apart covers.

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CWW's Belive It or Not!

The online version of the Canadian comic strip "For Better or For Worse" features characters with blinking eyes - freaky!

Mr. Bento Porn is a Flickr site where you can view hundreds of photos of lunches people have made for their Japanese Zojirushi storage containers; passionate commentary - strangely voyeuristic!

My next-door neighbor is incredibly loud in unusual ways. From our house you can hear him talking on the phone, loudly. He talks to his downstairs neighbors loudly and he sneezes just like a comic strip character: aaah CHOO! Any hour of the day or night, you can hear him from any room in our house: aaah CHOO! Otherwise, he's very quiet.

More proof that you should never air grievances via email.

Today on KALX, the dj back-announced Chad and Jeremy's A Summer Song, then said, "I just hit myself in the head with the mic--that was RAD." I laughed and thought, it's good to be alive!

Don't Miss: Festival of Fitness

Once again I find myself partaking in a somewhat odd music happening. The Festival of Fitness will be a bbq show at the Stork Club with 12 bands, muzak kareoke, prizes and plenty of spandex and sweat-bands. I'll play drums and Sue Hutchinson will play guitar and we'll both sing a bunch of her new songs. Sue is in many bands, including She Mob, Death by Stork (me too on both counts), Junior Showmanship, Winner's Bitch, and I'm sure there's more. We're billed as Junior Showmanship and we'll go on around 4 pm or so. There will be hot dogs available, plus pinball machines and a pool table if you want to work out. Wear comfortable clothing and athletic shoes.

The Festival of Fitness
This Sunday, June 10, 2007, at The Stork Club (2330 Telegraph Ave.), Oakland, 2 pm - Closing
12 bands, BBQ, DJ, Muzak Kareoke, Sychronized Dance, Headbands, Spandex, Legwarmers, Jazzercise giveaways!

Worth the Read

Healing Iraq.

"What are we doing here? Why are we still here?"

It's a grim Memorial Day for a lot of people. The NY Times has an article about U.S. soldiers who are questioning why they are in Iraq, fighting members of the Iraqi army who they had once trained. Morale is increasingly low in what has turned into a civil war. There are not enough explicatives in all the slang dictionaries of the world to describe how I feel about our current president. I'll just call him a sociopath and war criminal who should be locked up where he can cause no more harm to the world. It's another horrible foreign policy in our country's very long list of horrible foreign policies.

On this Memorial Day, do me a favor. I don't know anyone who voted for George W., but if you do, please kick that voter in the ass for me. If he (or she) voted for him twice, kick him twice as hard. It's true: violence begets violence.

The Armory Tour

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Great Scott!

Jill Scott and The Roots perform "You Got Me." For fans of the super-powerful voice box.

I Knew It

The 80s are officially back. In a commercial context (natch). BecomeAnMM.com. The 80s are also back in Quicktime if need be. It would take an M&M commercial to re-introduce the world to "This Is The Day," the bouncy college radio hit from TheThe (Matt Johnson).

I guess this has significance to me because Matt Johnson was the first music guy I ever interviewed. It was on my 20th birthday, which would make it (calculating...) 1984. I finagled an interview with him through radio station KUSF, which wasn't even the station I was working at at the time. That would be cable radio station, KSFS (hey--you can get it in your dorm room), but KUSF happened to be located up the street from my house and happened to have Matt Johnson on live radio that afternoon. My roommate (now bandmate and long-time friend), Sue and I conducted this interview, which consisted of us trying to come up with questions to ask a 23-year-old that we considered to be a musical genius.

He quietly answered all our lame questions, looking bashful and amazed that two girls would find his British accent so captivating. Somewhere I have a cassette of that interview, recorded by an abject, grumbling KUSF engineer (some things never change). The only revelation I came to that has stuck with me was: That was the artiest guy I've ever met.

Matt Johnson wrote "This Is The Day" when he was 20. He's still really arty. I can barely comprehend his Web site. Hey Matt: I'm glad you're getting some residuals from an M&M commercial. M&Ms that are breakdancing, getting mohawk haircuts and M&Ms whose futures are so bright, they gotta wear shades. That's arty commerce.

Don't Be Uncool This Time Around:
For all your Manic Panic needs
cocaineaddiction.com
A bunch of 80s bands and clubs from San Francisco (study up)
The Henry Rollins Show
Lest we forget: Hair Metal
Required viewing
Make sure you have the right footwear

The Mall Post

A lot of people say they don't like malls, but I pretty much loathe the entire mall shopping experience with every cellular ounce of my being. I find the mall an excruciating time-sucking capitalist vampire that preys upon our biological need for a local marketplace and then drains our natural craving for a social meeting-hub of any meaning or worth. Maybe it's the fluorescent lighting, or the difficulty of finding a bathroom. It's like being in bar or casino but the vice is shopping. If you don't like shopping, there's always the freshly squeezed lemonade at Hotdog On A Stick--now there's a place to hold your town meeting: the food court.

I love my kid so much that I recently took him to a mall to see Curious George, from the very successful cartoon on PBS. Jackson religiously watches Curious George every day and sings the theme song loudly and joyfully each time. He can provide a synopsis of every episode ever aired and he often cracks up in the middle of the day just by thinking about Curious George comedy bits.

PBS had advertised George's appearance for three weeks and I was psyched so we piled in the car and headed 45 minutes south to find the last parking place in a vast ocean of lots. I went up ramps and around corners and followed SUVs and found a spot in the nether-regions outside of Mervyn's intimate department. Inside the mall, the line to see Curious George was about half-a-mile long (no joke) and the security guard was warning us at the end of the line that George only would be available for photos for 20 more minutes ("But I drove all the way from San Jose," said one mother, dramatically). After that: no George. We got as close to him as we could and held Jackson up so that our photos looked like his head was next to George, who was off in the distance, shaking hands with toddlers and babies. Parents (me included) were standing on folding chairs to get this shot. It was as if Justin Timberlake had entered The Limited and the flashbulbs were blinding us all.

Afterwards George was free to walk the mall--maybe some lucky boys and girls would see them in their favorite store. As if! We headed to the Lego store and had a blast, filling a pre-paid cup full of Lego's from 50 bins of them, sorted by color, size and shape. Window Lego's had clear panes of "glass" and shutters. There were door Lego's and pine-tree Lego's and baffling Lego's that were black and round, but wdid not appear to be wheels. There were dioramas containing intricate Lego models, like a complete farm full of animals and a jet plane taking off at the airport. There were tables with lots of Lego's to build whatever we wanted, and we did.

While Jackson and I wallowed in the colorful plastic, Keith went to the Macy's menswear department and bought a much-needed dress shirt for a work-related event. It was 60% off. We marveled at the savings.

When we emerged into the air-conditioned central hallway, there was George and people were whispering, "Look! It's Him!" and "Hurry!" We ran to greet him and Jackson got a pat on the head. Soon others joined us and we were surrounded by tiny children, strollers and for some reason, mostly dads. The dads were very keen on getting photos of George with their kids (as was I) and we jockeyed for position within a three-foot space around a small person wearing a monkey suit. One dad kept backing into me and almost knocking me down. He did it three times before I said, "Hey! I'm standing here and you're pushing me over!" I felt just like Dustin Hoffman in "Midnight Cowboy"--when he almost gets run down by a taxi and he slams it with his fist and yells, "Hey! I'm WALKING here!"--completely ineffectual. Another dad, tapped the pushy dad on the shoulder and said, "That's enough." And I got my apology. Gender politics at the mall.

Soon the crowd was becoming a mosh pit and Jackson got that worried look of "this is a little too crazy, mom" in his eyes. So we wriggled out of the fan-cluster and headed for--that's right--the food court. It was an old-fashioned food court in the basement with dim lighting and plastic decor throughout. I did go to Hot Dog On A Stick and got a giant lemonade from an overweight, effeminate young man in a fantastic uniform, who was genteel and completely charming. I suppose Hot Dog On A Stick is what makes America great, at least in the customer service department.

After lunch I headed back toward Mervyn's to partake in their gigantic bra sale (you read that right). I hate buying bra's even more than going to the mall. But sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to do--that's what we call being a responsible adult. So while Jackson and Keith were picking out massive Mrs. Field's cookies to take us all over-the-top into culinary ecstasy, I was trying on bra's; very-well priced bra's. I got something like 3 for the price of 2 1/4. We all celebrated by eating cookies and trying to find the car. It was only when I was driving home that I realized what day it was: Earth Day. Happy belated Earth day everyone!

More Mall Stuff
Keith Milford's Malls of America blog - vintage photos of malls across the U.S. of A. I was so pleased to find his recent post about my hometown mall, SunValley. The fountain in the photo is where my little brother once fell in, trying to fish out pennies. That was when pennies were really worth something. I honed my hatred for malls here, after years of back-to-school shopping trips where my mom and I would enter this dimly lit mall in daylight, only to exit hours later to complete darkness outside. The loss of my daytime hours to shopping for sale-rack clothes was a little soul-crushing, I must admit. Although I liked getting new clothes--don't get me wrong--it just seemed like a waste of a day. However, many entertaining hours were spent at the pet store (puppies!), the Hammond organ store, Spencer's Gifts (home to all black-light art mediums), the movie theater and ice rink--all since gone. But SunValley has added large skylights so no kid can ever miss the daylight while shopping again!

Lew Portnoy's mall art - formal and somewhat sterile photos that capture the mall shopping experience in all its fluorescently lit glory.

Stock photos of shopping at the mall - everyone looks so happy, unlike me.

Rose of No Man's Land - Michelle Tea's novel about an alcoholic 10th-grader who accidentally lands a job at a teen clothing boutique in the mall called Ohmigod! A fry cook from the food court becomes her friend and the two girls set out on a one-night rampage of crystal meth, perverts and tattoos. Includes the most inspiring passage featuring a tampon that I've ever read.

The plot summary from imdb.com for Julie Brown's defunct Comedy Central series, "Strip Mall" (2000):
During the 1970's Tammi (pronounced TA-mee) Tyler was one of the stars of the sitcom "Here Comes Corky." Her acting career was then cut short unexpectedly when, after eating a cupcake laced with PCP, she killed her costar, Captain Billy. In the intervening years Tammi grew up amid obscurity. Now, Tammi was employed by the Funky Fox Cafe in the San Fernando Valley's Plaza del Toro shopping center, and was hoping for a comeback. As she explained to barmaid Patti in the first episode, she hoped the marry the next man to visit the Funky Fox. Embarrassingly, it turned out to be Harve Krudup who owned the Starbrite Cleaners laundry store at the shopping center. Tammi thought that the store was part of a Beverly Hills-based chain, only to realize that it was the only laundry store Harve owned. Tammi's attempts to make a comeback in Hollywood formed most of the stories for this sitcom.