Barbarella Theme for no reason whatsoever

Except that it's awesome! Can you imagine working on this concept and watching your vision unfold in sexy sci-fi splendor? Neither can I. Hence, the ongoing amazement that is Jane Fonda in Barbarella. I can't even type the word "Barbarella" with a straight face.

So crazy it just might work!

One of the random ideas flitting through the wasteland that is my mind this week is this: WHO is equipped to star in the KC and the Sunshine Band story? Who could possibly combine the charisma with the pop-culture interludes and sheer grandeur that is the phenomena that is KC (and the Sunshine Band)? Who, I ask you? Who indeed?

It came to me in a flash: Ashton. Yes, Ashton Kutcher. He is ripe. He is due. It's a role of a lifetime. And I want to be in on the negotiations. Here I am just throwing this out there, free of charge. Don't believe in my made-for-TV vision?

Just look:


Do you see it?:


How about now? Heh? Hehhh? Yeah? See it now?


I can be reached at my home office. Ashton: call me.

I'm afraid we're still experiencing technical health difficulties around here. Please enjoy these fab photos of David Bowie getting acquainted with Liz Taylor. Terry O'Neill did the honors. What a time it wuzzzz...

Dr. Alimantado your cares away

Shopping 'til I'm Dropping

Actually, I'm just window shopping. I did purchase an orange camera this week so when it arrives, I'll be able to take even MORE photos--they just won't be stuffed in dozens of shoe boxes around the house any more. That's right: going digital. Finally. Another battery charger is in my near future.

Meanwhile, here's some delightful consumer items I found today. I think you'll agree--the world is certainly full of wonderful things, all for under $19.95.

Mighty Michelle re-usable shopping bag from Pearl River. Go green. Go First Lady nylon shopping bag. I'm sure this isn't properly licensed but it sure is First Lady Fabulous.

And look! Lookin' Good for Jesus coin purse. I think Jesus is public domain so you can place extra change in here (or hairbands, or whatever) and feel good about copyright-free licensing at the same time.

You can't buy these any more, but you can admire their glamorous vintage charms and much more at the Found in Mom's Basement blog. Or try Esther Williams' vintage-inspired swimwear site, with oldies soundtrack to shop by.



Do yourself a favor--click on this link and try out the 1949 Youngstown Kitchens Jet-tower Dishwasher video download. It's a top-loading dishwasher with a clear lid that shows you all the washing power in action. Strangely meditative, almost beautiful. At least Jackson and I think so. From the cheerfully obsessive-compulsive archives of all things automatic-wash, AutomaticWasher.org








We can't afford this, but we do very much need it--the garbage truck mailbox from Mailbox Ranch. So epic, it ships in two boxes.

TV Theme Songs for What Ails Ya

We're still dealing with lots and lots of health issues and health-plan journeys of epic proportion. Nothing helps me "escape" better than television, so here's some of my favorite TV theme songs. Ah, television--so underrated as an endorphin-raising device.





The 1970s were the golden age for TV theme songs.






TV theme songs are inspiring.

I'll never obtain a tiny anime nose

It's been a rough few days. Jackson was sick and has been sick a lot this year. We are navigating the bureaucracy of our well-meaning but over-taxed health care system. It's like living in Canada, only we pay a lot for it.

I need to transform into a fantasy girl in my mind. This is what clean and sober people do to escape.


Michelle Phan is a very talented, self-described "fashionable nerd."

The Sailor Moon opening credits set to the "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" theme song. Hey, it's my fantasy and I'm going with this.


Sailor Mars was a total badass--a demon in heels.

Chat Roulette (nicely explained) by Casey Neistat

Indie filmmaker Casey Neistat explains everything you've ever wanted to know about Chat Roulette. What is Chat Roulette? Watch the film. It's very educational. Like the game, Roulette, I have no desire to play (the odds are so against me). But I'm glad I'm not completely ignorant about today's social technological wonders. *click*

chat roulette from Casey Neistat on Vimeo.

Neistat Brothers site

Decorate Your Yard with Life-sized Statuary

Why not? I was biking along the Iron Horse Trail this weekend, just minding my own beeswax, when I noticed this backyard in Alamo. Naturally, I screeched to a gravel-spewing stop so I could take some photos. The late-afternoon light was not ideal, but it does add to the eeriness of life-sized statuary placed in tableau, like children's toys for giants. Some other observers told me that these have been in this yard for years, "But the owners rearrange them all the time."

Of course.





The Native-American wing is all kinds of wrong, yet in this yard, so right. My camera couldn't quite catch the delightful vultures, perched on the fence and eyeing the farm animals hungrily. Nor could I zoom in to the upper yard which featured (I'm not making this up) a zebra, a lion, and two gorillas restfully perched in a pine bough. If you look closely at the top photo, you'll see them. Or you might be going crazy. No, I'm kidding. They're really there. Or are they...?

The Cramps - What's Inside a Girl?

I thought I'd pay tribute to shockabilly pioneers, The Cramps. I'm afraid that I took them for granted over the years--they were just always THERE, playing on a constant basis since the mid-70s. That is until singer/songwriter Lux Interior's sudden and tragic death last year. He and his wife, Poison Ivy (such an underrated and fantastic guitarist) were as much about rock & roll as any classic performers before or since.




Footage from the Prelinger Archives, the archive that makes filmmaking fun and affordable. (It's a model of a larynx--get your minds out of the gutter.)

Most memorable Cramps show for me: The Fillmore one Halloween many years ago. I was wearing a blond wig and dressed in a vinyl Barbie kids-costume while subbing for a janitor that couldn't work the show. So I was cleaning out the women's room and sweeping up broken glass throughout the night. They didn't make me mop the vomit on the dance floor though--the twin-brother janitors had to do that--thank you Bill Graham Presents! I think I made $50 for a night's work and the Fillmore was glamorous for me never more. But that's what rock is all about.

Wiki page - long live The Cramps.

Short-Film Winners from The Chicago International Film Festival

Short films worth watching on busy days. As listed on the snail-mail flyer I received from the 46th Chicago International Film Festival. No matter where I move, they always find me.

Skhizein - Directed by Jérémy Clapin (Silver Hugo - Best Animated Short Film)




Photograph of Jesus - Directed by Laurie Hill (Gold Plaque, Best Experimental Short Film)

Photograph of Jesus by Laurie Hill in association with the Getty Images Short & Sweet Film Challenge from Hulton Archive on Vimeo.

Cherry On The Cake (excerpt) - Directed by Hyebin Lee (Gold Plaque - Best Student Short Film)

Joan Rivers - A Piece of Work trailer

Here she is, comedy pioneer Joan Rivers. She's in her 70s. She's a workaholic. She has a library-sized card catalog of jokes in a built-in at her house. What's not to love?



Kathy Griffin loves Joan Rivers.


Joan Rivers is completely inappropriate most of the time and has been for more than 40 years.


Joan shares the spotlight with her co-star.


The very first guest on The Joan Rivers Show, 1986.


Joan spins her magic in 1982.


Joan Rivers - A Piece of Work is currently screening at festivals and will be the closing-night film at the SF International Film Festival on May 6 at the Castro Theatre (of course!). She's scheduled to be at the closing night party at 1015 Folsom (of course!) after the film.

The Uptones - Laws n Sausage

I almost forgot--I made a video this week. I didn't forget the making of the video, but I forgot I could put it here for all of humanity to gape upon it. And so here it is. The Uptones are the premiere East Bay ska band par excellence. They and their label, Fun Fun Fun Recordings, will be putting out a digital EP any moment now, containing "Laws n Sausage" and more. That's right. Uptones.



Footage is from the Prelinger and Internet Archives. Hail to them. I might have mentioned The Uptones here once or twice.

Congratulations to Project Runway Winner and Vancouver, WA resident, Seth Aaron

I have to give a shout-out to Seth Aaron Henderson for winning a very tough reality show (I've never watched a season of Project Runway before--yikes, uptiiiight). All the critiques and cattiness of the fashion industry, multiplied ten-fold during a 7-week shoot in New York City. Some have complained that this season wasn't catty enough, what with all the hard-working contestants and their supportive models, but no doubt, the pressure of competing week after week with challenges like "Make a high-fashion outfit out of burlap (or hardware)," would take a toll on lesser mortals.

I was excited for this season because four people hailed from cities I've lived in or nearby: San Francisco (Jay--lose the scarfs, Jay), Oakland (Amy--love her), Portland (can't remember her--I just lived near Portland), and Seth Aaron from, I'm not kidding, Vancouver, WA. That's a suburb of Portland, across the Columbia River. True fact: Portlanders tend to hate Vancouverites.

I don't know if it's the differing tax laws (Vancouver residents cross the bridge to shop in Portland's sales-tax-free stores--wouldn't you?), or the perception that Vancouver is a conservative hellhole of epic boredom and SUVs. Although Vancouver majority-voted for Obama, recycles prodigiously, and has built an ongoing series of bike lanes and parks citywide--Portland remains smug in its eco-friendliness, dismissing Vancouver as a emissions-spewing, redneck enclave.

Well, no more! Seth Aaron is as whimsical and wacky as any Portlander could hope for. And even if you don't like his clothes (I do), you have to admit--he's extremely creative, talented and FAST at tailoring. His jackets are amazing. I hope he gets to design big theatrical productions of some sort. I would pay to see that.

Bonus: he seems incredibly nice and his family is adorable too. Hats off to you, Seth Aaron! I no longer live in Vancouver, but I was rooting for him the whole way. If only because: that's so strange. And I always root for that, especially if it's affable strange.

Let's visit Vancouver with Seth Aaron and his family.


Jezebel has a clip (#3) of the delightful and Internetedly famous scene where Seth Aaron gets Tim Gunn on the backyard trampoline for a brief cardio workout. Seth Aaron is now known for the phrase, "Papa Gunn's on the tramp!" Also: the whole family and Gunn play Pictionary (clip #2). VERY Vancouver in scope! Final Bryant Park fashion show video is here. Images are here.

He won! Awww...


Seth Aaron's playlist--blast-from-the-past 80s new wave and Goth. Nice.

It's Earth Day - Celebrate with the Late, Great George Carlin

He got grouchier over the years. It's like he was living in Portland, surrounded by smug bicyclists with a green agenda or something.

Oh man, I forgot 420 Day!

Dude, I totally forgot it was 420 Day yesterday. I should have put it in my calendar, man. I always check my calendar for dentist appointments and school meetings and such. 420 should have been circled in red, man. Next time. Next time for sure.

What was I talking about?

Brady Bunch Home Decor - Greg's Groovy Pad

The Internet thinks it's so cool, but there's one thing it's sorely lacking: images of Greg's groovy home-office-turned-den-of-iniquity from the second-season Brady Bunch episode, "Our Son The Man." Why I think it's so important that this ridiculous set design be featured for all of posterity, I can't say. I never said I was logical in my thinking patterns.

I only know there's been times when I needed these images as reference for some project, and they didn't exist seemingly anywhere. So here they are with commentary. I don't know what else the Internet needs from me. I've done all I can for today.

And now...

So it's 1971 and Greg's in high school. He's outgrown his shared bedroom with its bunk beds, other brothers, wood paneling, and terrifying clown illustration. He needs his own space. Mike Brady isn't so sure. He's still trying to figure out how to get plaids and stripes to go together.

It's up to Carol to talk dad into letting Greg take over his home-office den so that their eldest son can have a little individualistic privacy. Where will Mike work on his architecture plans? Perhaps in the Brady carport. I always liked the screen above their bed. Almost Asian-inspired except it has a turquoise frame. Everything was framed in turquoise back then.



Mike reluctantly gives up his man cave for the greater good. Greg relishes the bong-hit possibilities.



Bunk beds are for losers.



Note: Mike is such an architectural genius, he was able to design a house with an upstairs (and attic--for another Greg episode) with no actual upstairs. And he created a housing plan that included a maid's quarters but had only two bedrooms, and a shared bathroom (with no toilet) for six kids. This geographical impossibility set up a built-in surreal factor as soon as the Bradys stepped into their new home and combined lives together.



Check out the Brady art collection throughout the house. It ranges from small-town crafts-fair landscapes to this completely insane abstract by the stairs. Perhaps this was painted by Mike's late wife, who is never mentioned throughout the entire series.



Here we go. Greg's apparently used his life's savings for a shopping trip to Urban Outfitters...oop, I mean Spencer's Gifts and now everything's outta sight.



Kind of...




I can't figure out what's up with all the wooden crates. I grew during the time of The Brady Bunch and none of us had wooden crates in our rooms. Is Greg planning on hosting a lot of cocktail parties and is in need of places to set drinks down? Where's the bean bag chair? Where's the Bruce Lee poster? There's no portable turntable although swingin' music plays throughout this scene.



The Brady Bunch always went for the broadest of comedy even if it made their characters look mentally challenged. I mean, Mike and Carol live in Southern California throughout the 60s. They've never seen a mobile or hippie decor? In this episode, they're strictly from squaresville.



Greg can't wait to try smoking nutmeg in his new room.



Crates.



To go with his new image, Greg hits his dad up for more money for some smashing threads.



But his counter-culture vision doesn't jive with the atomic-tangerine and avocado Formica ways of his parents.



And most crushingly of all, nobody wants to hang out with a guy wearing a headband, fringed vest and flowered shirt, despite his hip lighting scheme.



The light dims as Greg realizes the ugly truth. In Sherwood Schwartz' world, it's hip to be square.



Mike and Carol, in their powder-blue polyester and safety-orange acrylic comfort zone, couldn't agree more.



Next week: Jan buys an ugly wig.

As Seen On TV wish list

I'm as susceptible to advertising as anyone. Just because I make fun of it all the time doesn't mean I want sale items any less than the average consumer. It's my legacy as a modern American.

On clearance, but still pricey. Almost completely worth it anyway. Golden Age of Country.

Plus Johnny Cash - The SUN Years. Want it.

It's time to GET DOWN with Sweet 70s Soul. Pure audio ecstasy.


It's a giant cupcake pan--like something out of Alice in Wonderland.


We already have this. It's one of Jackson's favorite "toys." Next time you're buying a gift for a mechanically minded kid--consider the Gopher. I really do use it to retrieve socks that fall between the washer and dryer. Billy Mays had my number.

Record Store Day is Saturday, April 17

No, you don't have to buy Happy Record Store Day! Hallmark cards for your favorite record-store employee, although I'm sure the greeting-card companies are working on that for next year. But do stop in to your local record store (do you have any of those around any more? I hope so) for a fabulous day of celebration of all things flat, grooved and vinyl. (I've been writing a lot of marketing articles lately--can you tell?)

There will be special releases, t-shirts and other fun-filled promotional items--like (gasp!) CDs at the 1400 participating record stores this year. Because I'm over 40, I'm a member of the record-store tribe from way back. The San Francisco Bay Area has always been a mother lode of great record stores and I get really sad when they go out of business. They were akin to libraries for me when I was growing up. They helped make me who I am. And the owners were always another breed entirely, especially the used-store owners. They tended to have a dusty, musty, "I've got some good ganja in the back" kind of vibe. Solid citizens--all of them.

And good news! According to NPR this morning, teenagers are buying records in...record numbers. Apparently they're grossed out by their parents co-opting their ear buds and MP3 players and they want something a little rougher around the edges to musically call their own. It's about time, kids. Welcome to the world of scratches, pops and getting up to play side 2! Enjoy the warmer ambiance that only a needle in a hardened petroleum product can make. And please, please, please, may this record-buying trend bring back record-sleeve creativity of yore. CD packaging is a scourge and a disappointment nearly always.

The official site of Record Store Day lists participating stores, events and quotes from musicians who set the record (ahem) straight.

Chris Frantz talks about how record stores save us from a homogeneous existence. And sadly, how the Talking Heads couldn't make it if they were starting out today.


"High Fidelity" attempts to capture the essence of record store culture. Not an easy thing to do. 'A' for effort.




Here's Robyn Hitchock:

Records used to mean vinyl, then cassettes, then cd's, and now downloads. Like currency, they got smaller and are now almost invisible. The record stores were a great network where music fans could listen to what was out there without necessarily having to buy it. But if they did, they came away with a black disc* embedded with grooves, mostly enshrined in a cardboard sleeve that contained vital additions to the music inside. These sacred objects (and their slightly less sacred descendants, the tape and the compact disc) were the closest you could get to the act itself: like portable shrines with holy relics.

Happy Tax Day - Celebrate with Iron Maiden

Keith the tax man says: You don't have to file today if you don't owe any money. If you do owe and you're not finished with your taxes, you can send a check for an estimated amount along with a request for an extension.

Meanwhile, here's some Iron Maiden. What are they going on about? Mostly humankind's doom and destruction. They have a way with melodic anger, which, when lyrically deciphered, always comes across as somewhat ridiculous in its overblown qualities. Kind of like soap opera for metal heads. The world would be a more mellow and boring place without Iron Maiden.

I like how these titles make a sort of tax-day haiku. Bear with me during this heavy metal moment. Plus April is National Poetry Month. Iron Maiden and federal tax law are inspiring.

Iron Maiden Tax Haiku
Run to the hills
The number of the beast
Wasted years
2 minutes to midnight

Stay strong, metal heads.