I've never had one of those "What Are You" quizes on here before, so I thought I'd forge ahead and help us all lead lives of self actualization. Say it like the ol' narrator on those Pepperidge Farm commercials: What kind of ol' fashioned candy are you? Take this quiz and find out!
1.) Which original cast-member of Charlie's Angels do you identify with most?
A.) I never watched the show because I don't own a TV and if I were at someone's house during the 70s and they had a TV, I would only watch Masterpiece Theatre.
B.) Sabrina--she's so smart!
C.) Kelly--she's so sophisticated!
D.) Jill--she's so sexy!
E.) Bosley. He's funny.
2.) The future of satellite radio has broken everything down into neat little musical genres. What station do you listen to?
A.) NPR, morning, noon and night.
B.) I'll take Eclectic Selections, hoping to hear a bit of everything through the ages. Doubtful, though.
C.) Jazz would be nice, but no Kenny G., please.
D.) Adult Urban Contemporary and/or Trance.
E.) Classic rock that rocks.
3.) It's midnight and you've been on the road for 12 hours straight. The only food available is fast food. Where do you eat?
A.) I will starve. Oh wait, there's crackers in the glove compartment. Oh no!--they have trans fats! I will starve.
B.) Uh, Wendy's has baked potatoes. That's pretty healthy.
C.) Arby's Roast Beef. I know I shouldn't but it's my guilty pleasure.
D.) Taco Bell--the Chalupas rule.
E.) It's all good! Just point me to the curly fries.
4.) Commodores in the after-life for all eternity--pick it:
A.) Shoot me now. No, wait, now I have to live as long as possible.
B.) "Brick House" still moves me.
C.) "Sail On"--not too bad.
D.) Is "Brick House" already taken? OK, "Too Hot Ta Trot."
E.) "Three Times A Lady." What? It's nice.
5.) What is your favorite crazy celebrity baby name?
B.) Fifi Trixibelle.
D.) Pilot Inspektor.
6.) Which Golden Girl are you?
A.) The hell? I TOLD you I don't have a TV!
B.) Dorothy--she's so butch and put upon!
C.) Rose--she's so mindless and sweet!
D.) Blanche--she's so sultry and slutty!
E.) Sophia. She was rude and funny.
Now for the math. For every A.) answer, give yourself 1 point. B.) = 2 points; C.) = 3 points; D.) = 4 points; and E.) = 5 pointereenos. Add up your personality points to reveal what kind of ol' fashioned candy you are.
6-10 points: You're any flavor of Charleston Chew; brown, beige, or pink. You thought you'd be a praline, didn't you? Admit it. Or at least marzipan. Nope. You're so busy setting yourself apart from the modern world, that you're completely DEFINED by the modern world. And back in the day, the modern world went crazy for The Charleston. You're sweet, chewy, long-lasting, and even tastier when frozen. Jazzy!
11-15 points: You're licorice bridge mix; consistently anise-flavored--an acquired taste yet one that cannot be replicated by any other flavor. Whether a pastel, button, drop, or a jellybean, people know they can count on you for a distinct taste-sensation, and you're good for the digestion too. Addictive!
16-20 points: Hello Necco Wafers. You're a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Depending on your mood and the way your day is going you could be a little sweet, a little spicy, maybe a little chocolatey. Your good ol' citrus, clove, cinnamon, wintergreen, and even licorice flavors make you a well-rounded, all-around friend to all. And in a pinch, your wafers can be used as game pieces or works of art too. Versatile!
21-25 points: Why, you're wax bottles. Chewy with a surprise fruity liquid center--you're certainly a sensuous experience to behold. Unique, unclassifiable, somewhat indigestible--there's nothing quite like you, but in the middle of the dark night, sometimes only you will do. Tip the scales into decadence and you're well on your way to becoming wax lips. Alluring!
26-30 points: Right on, Zotz! You crazy kid. There's no predicting what kind of reaction you'll cause with your sweet, hard exterior and explosive fizzy central core. Nirvana or canker sores? Whatever--you're an unforgettable experience in cherry, apple, or watermelon. Unique!