Barack Obama Holds a Koala Bear

This 2016 Election is anything but comforting, but take some comfort with this rendition of President Obama expertly providing a supportive arm to this adorable snuggle-worthy koala. This artwork is based on the G-20 summit meeting in Australia way back in 2014 and as you can see, diplomatic relations with the marsupials went as well as can be expected. Although I could not vote for our President again this week (this isn't some FDR situation, unfortunately), I felt secure, knowing my vote furthers the foundations of the Republic. Let us venture forth into the political vortex that will be the Primaries. I love you, Prez.

Animated Cat GIFs Because I Like Attention

The Internet and cats—an endless love affair! Posting these animated cat gifs will put me on the path of winning worldwide popularity and soon my future as an international tastemaker will be assured. I'd much rather focus on that than admit that I've gathered these gifs and am profiting from them here, even though I had nothing to do with their creation. It's not about creation, but aggregation. And branding. And SEO. And diagonal venture-market-Web 2.0-building. And cute widdle whiskers.

Business Cat - this reminds me of a dream I had where my cat got a job at Walgreen's, but every time customers asked him questions, he just sat, staring and blinking at them from behind the counter.



Have you ever had an imperfect customer-service interaction? Perhaps this is why:



A cat gambling addiction is a serious matter. But oh so cute.



Cat space jump is good for yet another WTF moment.



Cat with rats peaceable kingdom gif.



Maru is probably the most famous cat on the Internet and with good reason. He's the Cary Grant of cats.



This dumb pre-Internet guy I once semi-dated claimed that cats were incapable of having facial expressions. How Wrong He Was.






Oh, cats. Don't ever change!






Thank you, Internet.

Squirrel-proof Birdfeeders for Hours of Entertainment

It's cold, damp and windy outside. There are hungry birds out there—time to fill the feeder. But wait—what's that hairy, vampiric rodent hanging off your bird habitat, sucking down seeds like a shop vac while you curse its persistent existence? It's a squirrel, of course.

If you live in a house surrounded by trees like I do, I bet you've got a lot of pesky squirrels about. And they're tenacious. They'll eat your birdseed, belch, then look at you expectantly for a refill. Why do you think they're hanging around? They're not admiring your pristine landscaping.

I don't care how fluffy their tails are. Squirrels suck. We've had squirrel invaders off and on for the past few years, due to our stupid "open roof" concept. Back in the day, housing developers did not have to supply a sub-roof under roof tile here in sunny California, so there's our ceiling, its beams, some insulation and finally, roof tile between us and the world. Squirrels have figured out that our house is completely penetrable and have taken advantage whenever their invasive natures take over. If I were to hang a feeder, it would be squirrel Armageddon, and those little furry mess-makers are scrabbly in nature. You don't want them in your insulation or wiring, believe me.

But I like birds. I do! I'd love to have some bird feeders around here. In the spring and summer, we've got birds aplenty—no need for feeders, but in the winter, they avoid our yard. Nothing to attract them, I guess. Feeders would be FUN. But squirrels would RUIN the fun. That's what squirrels DO.

I did a little sleuthing to find the best bird feeders for the squirrel-phobic. Here's what I came up with—feeders that whirl and spin! A squirrel-sized thrill ride of foodless oblivion. Not that I'm going to get any of these. Then we'd have to deal with the rats too. So just forget it. Still, if you want to see hysterically spinning squirrels, and who doesn't, just push "play."

This is perhaps the finest spinning-squirrel video on the Internet, in my opinion. It consistently satisfies. See if you don't agree.




There's a lot of slow-mo freaks on YouTube. How many have seen a squirrel spinning in slow-mo? Not many, I'd wager. Well, here you go. Should have been set to dub-step, but that's the breaks.




For sheer tenacity, this squirrel has everyone beat. Look at him/her go! And go! And go. Jeez, stupid squirrel.




In all seriousness (ahem), the following is probably the best feeder for thwarting squirrels: The Squirrel Buster Plus. Its ingenious mechanism (go to 3:00 to see it in action) uses the squirrel's weight to close the feeding holes. So while spinning and tipping feeders are fun-filled for all (except for squirrels, and who knows—maybe they like it, the little bastards), actually closing down the source of food makes the most sense to me. Those whirling feeders are great at whirling seed all over the ground too. The squirrels that hang on the longest get the most seed. Fuckers.

Tiny adorable monochromatic creature collection

Over the years I've inadvertently collected (a total of three) tiny adorable monochromatic creatures. Each has a story to tell. Let's tell those stories through portraiture. I'm unemployed. You can tell.

The tiny creatures on a pencil to get a sense of scale.

Their colors remind me of the Crayola crayon that used to be called "flesh." The flesh-colored crayon was retired when enough people informed Crayola that the world is not made of one flesh tone. Crayola, to their credit, did agree with this assessment and now that crayon is no more. Or it's called caucasian or light beige or something. Crayola now makes a box of skin-tones called Multicultural Crayons (which also come in the awkwardly titled "Washable Multicultural") and so hooray for that. But these little creatures are of general tone and that tone is light beige.

Having a collection of light beige creatures is odd enough, but to have one consisting entirely of tiny beige creatures, one that was collected by accident—well, I don't know how that happened at all. All I know is they're super-cute and deserve some portraiture because the one unifying factor on the Internet is that cute things rule.

It could be argued that Cobi, the 1992 Olympic mascot from the Barcelona Games, is not all that cute. But compared to most Olympic mascots, he's positively squeezable in adorableness. He's supposed to be a Picasso-inspired Catalan sheepdog—definitely the first animal you think of when you comes to exceptional athletic ability. Or close. With his pudgy tummy, "love me" stance and asymmetrical features, he is a vision all right.

I got this Cobi (on purpose) in Spain in a package with a whistle pop (a lollipop that could also be used as a whistle) that was supposed to launch a plastic disc when blown The package ad type commanded you to "Lanza el disco con Cobi!" Doesn't that sound fun? Unfortunately, I kept everything in the package, hung on my kitchen wall, to the delight of my roommates I'm sure, and eventually a troupe of ants came and attacked the whistle pop with gusto. Everything had to be tossed except for Cobi himself. He's a survivor.

I chose to pose him with an dancing pack of cigarettes because I think he comes from a smoker's household. Also, he's definitely a presenter at heart.

Let's move in for his close-up.

Cobi

Next is a teeny-tiny circus lion that I've had since I was teeny tiny. Part of the Liddle Kiddles Zoolery Doll line, I think I got this when I was six or seven. It comes with a purple train car cage and tiny pink bow tie. I'm too lazy to go upstairs and get the cage, but be assured it has pink wheels that really roll. The little kitty is just too, too adorable with his or her oversized head and removable bow tie. That's right—removable. Plastic toys used to have details until they were all deemed a choking hazard and now resemble ostrich eggs.

Tiny kitty would definitely be fond of pineapple juice.

squee—tiny Liddle Kiddle circus lion

Are you ready for this? Close-up!

Good God that's cute

Most mysterious of the tiny creatures is this little manga mascot that came with a school-girl doll, given to me by my friend Joy several years ago. The doll is really cute too but she's in a box somewhere. This little creature has wings and something lumpy stuck to his or her foot. This creature appears to be some kind of marmot or baby-bear guardian, or who knows? All I know is—IT'S CUTE.

A sophisticated look for tiny winged creature

Close-up (it's cute round head barely fit under the microscope camera):

Aw—don't be shy

But what is that thing on its foot? Help me out, Internet.

And now: Tiny lion hits the highway in a tiny Penelope Pitstop wacky racer.

Gaah! Too, too cute!

What the hell?

Oh, it's just Cobi's nose.

Animals Playing Music

In my post-Thanksgiving food stupor, I haven't been at my sparkiest in the past few days. Recently I did manage to see an entertaining new play, Status Update, in which the protagonist, a depressed freelance photographer, jumps into her Facebook feed as if down a rabbit hole. There she encounters the wonders of Internet addiction made flesh, hosted by her somewhat sinister guide, Keyboard Cat. One of the lessons learned: when life gets too troubling, there are so many cute animal videos online. Partake in the cuteness as we witness the wonder, the glory, of animals playing music.

Tucker the schnoodle plays and sings at the piano. Good dog, Tucker.



Nora the cat plays us a tune on piano. The piano—easy to learn, a lifetime to master.



Amazon parrot, Captain Flint, sings A Pirate's Life for Me. So inspiring!

A Dancing Chicken Post

This blog has existed for seven years and yet no dancing chicken post. Until now. I love chickens. I love the dance. Dancing chickens are almost too incredibly wonderful to contemplate. Dancing chicken free-for-all follows. Bless them, one and all.

The dancing chicken from Werner Herzog's "Stroszek." Perhaps the most famous dancing chicken of them all.



Chicken Techno by Oli Chang—from the original Australian Domino's Pizza commercial. Look, I don't make these; I just embed them.



National Dance Like a Chicken Day is May 14. Did you forget to enter the video contest?



"Dance of The Cock and Hens" by the Bavarian State Ballet from La Fille Mal Gardée, because it's all about the (chicken) dance.



The Glaum Egg Ranch of Aptos, California, has a 24-hour vending machine. For three dollars you get two dozen cage-free eggs and get to watch animatronic chickens dance to Glen Miller's In the Mood, as sung by chickens. I'm really glad I grew up in California. It's my kind of state-of-mind.



The Famous Chicken and "Barney" in a most violent dance off.

Squirrel Appreciation Day - how did you celebrate?

Konrad Gesner made this woodcut of a squirrel in the mid-sixteenth century.
Squirrels were much more fierce back then.

Feel free to share your feelings about Squirrel Appreciation Day. I know the parades, parties and festivals kept everyone feeling lively and nimble. Take a moment of quiet reflection and feel free to leave your comments. Peace out, squirrel appreciators.

Lazy Christmas Daydream

I'm in a Christmas stupor. Of course, it's not Christmas--it's Christmas prep time. Christmas itself will come and go like a whisper on the wind. Then comes Christmas clean-up. As I age (ungracefully), this particular holiday is feeling more and more like a personal pageant that must play out exactly according to someone's plan--not my own

If it were up to me, this is what Christmas would ideally be like:

I wake up--it's Christmas morning. Huh. Time sure does fly. Almost a new year--isn't that strange. Gotta remember to start writing "2012" on everything, not "11." Gonna be tough but I'll get it after a few missteps. So it's Christmas. Might be fun to ride bikes down the path and get some brunch that will fill me up 'til dinner. Then I'll have a bowl of my tasty homemade granola and it's lights out 'til Boxing Day.

Oh yeah, Jackson got lots of presents, but I let him open them weeks ago so he could play with them all month and not drive us crazy, staying up late at night, fretting about the presents he can't open until December 25th, when "they" say Jesus was born. Yup--that was a good idea, letting him play with all his new toys during the past month of cold, rainy days. And now, to bed. That was a swell Christmas.

***

And so easy! But back to reality and a bunch of Christmas and household chores to tackle. At least Jackson's healthy--hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I'm going to throw in one more: Hooray! That's huge. 

Here's a penguin while I figure out what else to do here. This penguin knows the true spirit of giving.

Fifi LaRue - Hamster of Great Renown

We lost our hamster today. She had been sick for a few weeks and a visit to the vet was costly and medicinal but ultimately for naught. Her suffering has ended and now she is running in the giant hamster ball in the sky. In my dreams, her ball opens up and she is free, free to do the thing she wanted to do her entire lifetime with us: run under the couch. Au revoir, Fifi.

Belugas for Yougas

What is it about Beluga Whales? Ghostly, smiling, bulbous yet supple. The staple of any decent tourist-draw aquarium. Check out this Beluga from the Mystic Aquarium, enjoying a soft rendition of mariachi music from Mariachi Connecticut (that's right, Mariachi Connecticut--stranger things have happened.)



We visit the Mystic Aquarium most every year. I'm going to find this Beluga and introduce myself because I like mariachi music too.


This Beluga is catching bubbles in his mouth. Awwww. He must be bored shitless in that tank.




Hear the Belugas sing! This is another aural universe, for sure.

Today's word: Zesty

In my middle-of-the-night bout of insomnia, one word came to mind and wouldn't leave: zesty. Let's explore some zesty concepts on this sunny spring day.

May is national bike month and Bike to Work Day is scheduled in your area in the next 30 days (Thursday, May 12th for the Bay Area). Nothing is zestier than having a job. Riding your bike to your job is even more fulfilling. Even if you can only ride to public transportation, think of how much you're saving the planet by not spewing carbon emissions all over the air we breathe. If so, thank you!

I work at home mostly, but I try to bike whenever possible. Or even walk, since I'm lucky enough to live in a pretty compact, well-developed area. Some might call it a small city, but others who live in actual cities might scoff at that. But that's not very zesty of them.


You know what else is zesty? Comedian Erin Gibson attempting to take a pole-dancing class. Better her than me. I hope this embeds OK. Give it a shot.



For true zestiness, try some delicious North African cuisine. Morocco, Egypt, Algeria, Tunisia and Libya combine geographical influences with creative spice blends in genius food formations.


Remember Bad Manners? They were so zesty! They've reformed and are playing with The Uptones at The Uptown in Oakland on Saturday, May 21st.



Awww, Chihuahua! Playing pool!

Hamster in need of attention

Fifi lives for attention. Who knew hamsters could be so social? We made up this word, "poogy" to describe the look of extremely full hamster cheeks. And as you can see, she's quite poogy here. How she manages to climb up the walls of her cage without toppling over remains a mystery. Anyway, when she's not stuffing her face with every morsel of food in sight, she's trying to run away from us. Hamsters live to run--they apparently run six miles every night in the wild. So eating and running--that's what you get.

Whenever Fifi makes it to the blog it usually means I've not been able to focus my full attention to this online endeavor. Today is no exception. We had a series of duties to fulfill for the past several weeks that took precedent over everything else. Like: getting healthy; then getting healthy again; and still again--sure, why not? There was a need for doctors and much medication around here. Plus special dietary recommendations that had to be shopped for. And supplements--so many supplements.

I learned about two excellent pressure points to apply. One for pain: close up your thumb next to your hand/forefinger--see that fatty fold between thumb and hand? Press there against the hand bone slightly. Alleviates pain! Even though it hurts a little to press there--pressure-point irony in action.

Here's one for immunity: close up your forearm against your upper arm and see the fold where your arm bends? Press on the side of that fold slightly--ouch. That builds immunity. I could have used that one a month ago, but I'm storing it away in the old mental files for future reference. My acupressure friend showed me these and she knows her stuff. I hope she doesn't mind if I share. I just find this pretty helpful and there's no side-effects other than weird little sore spots from too-enthusiastic pressing.

Things are looking healthier now and we should resume our regularly scheduled nonsense post-haste. Maybe there's a pressure-point for absurdity and fulfillment. I think I know where that body-part is and it's NSFW. Heh.

In the mean time, please pay attention to this hamster for the next few seconds and I'll be with you shortly.

Penguins falling down

These penguins are falling down, jumping about and being unintentionally funny by living on ice and sporting flippers. I'm sorry to laugh, but I couldn't think of anything else to post after Valentine's Day, and I wasn't going to drag out Valentine's Day posting any further than necessary. Thank you, penguins.

Time out for a hamster haiku

Talk about SEO success stories. All you people doing your "hamster haiku" search, look no further! I took a silly online art class this month (called "The Art of Silliness") and had a grand time making 30 days worth of silliness. In fact, I got so into it, I kind of ended up drawing in a mixture of my child-like cuteness phase of smiling, waving animals, mixed with my satirical former heavy-metal chick nihilism. The results were at times, interesting.

This was a photography assignment: take three photos, one of something hollow, one of something made of silver, and one of something smelly. Write a haiku about them. Jackson and I teamed up to include all three subjects in one photo. And here 'tis:

Time out for a hamster eating an apple

I'm working on stuff like search engine optimization and case study project management. It's not just a job--it's an adventure--one I haven't had in quite a while. So while I'm beavering away at that, please enjoy this photo-journalist essay featuring Fifi, the apple-eating hamster. Fifi lives to eat fresh produce, chew cardboard, and climb the bars of her cage like a monkey. It's a pleasant existance.

Hmm?

Hrrmff!

Num num num num.

Oh, hello. Apple good!

Bonus! Fifi hoards among the tikis.

August 2010 was simply faboo

When you're staying home all summer, taking care of a recuperating kid, at some point there is light at the end of the tunnel. For us that was in August. It's almost over and August, we will miss you.

This was the month that Jackson really started bouncing around again. Literally, because I took him to his first bouncy house in four months and he went crazy in there. The lady running it let all the kids stay in for an hour even though they had only paid for 15 minutes. "Eh, the event's almost over anyway," she explained. I love volunteers at kid festivals. This was a super deluxe bouncy house with obstacles, a slide and a basketball hoop in the bouncy part. It doesn't get much better than that.

But yes it does because we had lots of other fun-filled outings all in the latter part of August. And even around the house, he's jumping on the couch and smooshing into me and knocking me over with aplomb. He also admits that he's ready for school to start because it was getting a bit boring around here. Sorry. I guess he's not as into Spirograph as I am.

Nothing states, "I am feeling better now" than cruising around in an inflatable alligator vehicle. After a few false starts, this was one smooth ride.
This is a room full of balloons with a wind element to keep them aloft. Simple yet effective entertainment (until the volunteers yell for the kids to get out). The teenagers who manned this attraction had to blow up balloons all day to cover for poppage. They are the unsung heroes of Family Fest.

One day last week Jackson dragged me (kicking, screaming) to his new favorite hang-out, Paddock Bowl in Pacheco. Where? Just head past the mall into the land that bowling-time forgot.
I mean, look at this place (*salivate*). It's 1981 all over again with several 70s (and 60s!) elements rolled into one 20-lane adventure.
Jackson says Paddock Bowl is great because it's like "stepping back in time." He's eight.
He also got hang out with his cousin, who flew in from Houston all by herself just to see him. We traveled to the wilds of Mt. Diablo and Tilden Park, Berkeley, to perch in wind caves and in steam trains respectively. We visited the Exploratorium with my friend May and her son. Only the very healthy and energetic should brave the Exploratorium on its annual free-admission day. There was some kind of kid fest in nearby Crissie Field that day too. We were surrounded by festivals throughout the month, without even trying.

And we even got to pet these bunnies! Jealous?
In your face. With bunnies!

For the last day of summer vacation, we headed to Aquatic Park during a fluky heat wave. A true Mediterranean weather-system summer's day.

Here's to September.

Technical Difficulties - Please Stand By (this hamster playing with marbles)

I almost forgot I had a blog last week. Could'ja tell? While we got Jackson all situated back at school, my Internet life was put on hold--probably a good thing once in a while. Meanwhile, enjoy this hamster playing with marbles. And if she's a little blurry, well, that's how hamsters roll.

Time Out for a Broccoli-eating Hamster

Taking a little time-out this week from blogging while we figure out medical situations around here. Please enjoy this photo-documentary of a broccoli-eating hamster in the mean time. And remember: never eat greens on a hot date. This second photo illustrates why.


Dana Carvey's classic, "Choppin' Broccoli." I sing this to our hamster all the time.

Now you will never be depressed again

Well, I can't promise that, but it's very difficult to be depressed when viewing these particular clips. It's not that they're cheerful. It's just that they're so damn silly.

Here's to the healing power of silliness.













Never give up!

Lombard Street Goes "Candyland"

Hey, it was Candyland's 60th anniversary today and to celebrate, Hasbro turned Lombard St. into a giant Candyland game. A bunch of kids got to play and meet Princess Frostine ("She's beautiful," Jackson once breathlessly sighed during a game).

It was only for today and only limited groups of children were allowed on board, heh. But what a memorable experience. I always liked when my dad drove us down this street when I was a kid. Imagine visiting the Peppermint Forest as well.



And check out the Annual Easter Big Wheel Race while you're at it. Lombard Street: it's swell!


Laughing Squid has photos.
Thanks to Brian for tipping me off on this.