Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Red Sonja for no reason whatsoever

I have to keep looking at my calendar to remember what day it is. My kid had furlough days off of school, plus Memorial day weekend and then an extra day for reasons I can't remember--a Union stipulation perhaps. Hence: my confusion. Is it garbage night? Does the mail now come after two days of no delivery? Are people bitching on Facebook about nothing important? OK--getting back to normal then.

Here's Red Sonja starring 80s sensation, Brigitte Nielsen. "They" say she's a bad actor, but I really like her in this. Kind of stiff and cold, but she's supposed to be, having been mauled by marauders and left for dead without any counseling afterwards. She gets along well with animals and beats the crap out of people (mostly men) with her broadsword. She's got a killer mullet and she's properly physical, which is all in keeping with her Amazon warrior-like status.

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Kalidor (basically Conan in everything but name--a legal issue) as good-natured, but smirky. Whenever I happen to be channel-flipping and this is on, I linger. But I do yell out (spoiler) "NO!" when Sonja finally succumbs to Dumbhead's charms. She obviously should find contentment with an equally cool lady.

Check out these clips. With Dino De Laurentiis at the helm, you will definitely be entertained.

Epic, huh? Sandahl Bergman is the evil Queen Gedren. I would hate to be in a girl-band with her. I think I was in a girl-band with her.

Bergman was originally slated to play Sonja but turned the role down to play Gedren instead. What might have been!

And take a look at Conan's, I mean, KALIDOR's pad. Manly.

It's all a grand journey into the demented mind of...someone, and though it tanked at the box office and critics have been laughing at it since 1985, I like it--wrong as it is. It paved the way for Xena, Buffy and Seven of Nine--half-human/half-warrior chicks who didn't need men, opting for femme girls, conscious-tortured vampires and the Borg, respectively.

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