Friday, March 30, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice Fantasy-Scenario recap - Ep 6 - Party Like a Mock-Star

This week I'm going to try something a little different with the formerly titled Celebrity Apprentice hair recap. Since I've recapped all the celebrities' hair at this point (and lack of, Arsenio Hall), I thought I'd place Trump in a few fantasy scenarios. He's bigger than life and loves to say, "You're fired!" Let's see how that plays out from the far reaches of my imagination.

First, a brief run-down of this episode. The teams were in charge of throwing a FUN mocktail party for Crystal Light's new faux alcoholic beverage flavors, Peach Bellini and Pomtini. I feel pity for these celebrities. Mocktails? Crystal Light? Fun? It is such a very tall order.

But Clay Aiken and Aubrey O'Day step up as project managers and promise to host the ultimate in Crystal Light shindigs. Apparently no one on the men's team goes to parties. Arsenio Hall claims to be a recluse who hasn't had anyone over to his house in 20 years. And now I love him more than ever.

Not to be deterred, Clay decides that Life's a Beach (Peach), so the men set up a beach party in an NYC storefront, with sand, umbrellas, girls in bikinis, matching Hawaiian shirts, and a big limbo stick. It's a lot like a dorm party being thrown by the nice, nerdy guys that live down the hall. And against all odds, it looks fun. Arsenio starts a Soul Train dance line. There's a couple of extremely limber limbo enthusiasts that Clay determines must be "genuine freaks." Clay's loyal fans, the Claymates, show up in bathing suits and everyone drinks their Peach Bellinis with gusto. I wouldn't be surprised if Clay has been a paid guest-of-honor at a few Claymate private parties. When the Crystal Light reps show up and sing along with Clay to "Under The Boardwalk," I was pretty sure the men had this wrapped up.

But don't count out Aubrey's elegant mocktini soiree, with the ladies in red cocktail dresses in the Garden of Eden, stirring their crystal desires. Or something along those marketing lines. Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, provides some beauty-queen friends in gowns, sashes and tiaras, and I must say, every party should have some of those. Dirty comedian Lisa Lampanelli keeps up a steady stage patter while Debbie Gibson performs an original Crystal Light theme song that Aubrey claims will be stuck in our ears for at least a month. Patricia Velasquez will not be micro-managed and so her graphic designs are not heavily featuring the Crystal Light logo enough. And this will haunt her forever, or at least until the next Pomtini party commences.

In the boardroom, Aubrey is absolutely 150% positive that she's won the challenge and so she cries buckets when that is not the case. Apparently the clients wanted more emphasis on Crystal Light and not on Pomtini in the signage. The men win the challenge and Clay Aiken's charity, The National Inclusion Project, will get $50,000. Good deal. Aubrey blubbers to the point that Trump offers her charity, Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network, $10,000. That's a good deal too.

Everyone got along pretty well in this episode, which made for two decent parties, but in the boardroom, Aubrey decides Dayana and Patricia are on the chopping block for not offering enough creative ideas per challenge and not allowing work to be proofread, respectively. Dayana points out that even though Aubrey and Lisa come up with most all the ideas on the women's team, they've only won two challenges. Aubrey argues that creative people are the most valuable, even if their ideas aren't marketable. Actually, I added that last caveat. There's more crying. "Don't cry," advises Dayana, "You'll look ugly." Aubrey manages to curb her bullying tactics for most of this episode, which is good, since she's representing an anti-bullying organization. Trump decides that even though Patricia is a most elegant woman, she's fired, and she is gone, leaving Dayana to fend for herself for another week. Oh dear!

And now, fantasy-scenario situations!

Donald Trump attempts to fire sleestaks who are attacking his offspring in a cave from "Land of the Lost." Good luck with that, Donald!

Ivanka and Donald, Jr. rely on their father to remove the offending creatures from the boardroom.
Trump fires both Oliver Hardy and Stan Laurel for general incompetence and mismanagement. You should see how they trashed their hotel suite during their last brainstorming session!

Trump attempts to fire a fluffernutter sandwich for being unpopular and comical in scope.

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