Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice Hair Recap - Ep 4 - Failure to Launch

Ooookay. We're back with Celebrity Apprentice hair recap, episode 4 - Failure to Launch. This is about the time I start seriously questioning my commitment to ridiculous recap concepts, in this case, hair. But while this show is fraught with personal tensions and marketing missteps, the actual drawing of celebrity hair continues to leave me refreshed, calm and in a deeply meditative state. For one thing, celebrity hair is so shiny and with the television lights, it's even more so. It's also expertly colored and conditioned and that means lots of multi-hued highlights, plus bouncy waves aplenty! All this makes for much quick-sketching fun. Where was I? Oh yes, this show.

This was a stressful outing with the two teams in charge of a Buick Verano presentation and Q&A with a live studio audience. Adam Carolla steps up as project manager for the men's team while "perfect fit" race-car driver Michael Andretti hangs back due to his lack of marketing background. That doesn't sit well with the Trump clan at all. But Carolla actually knows about cars, having hosted a car podcast in the past and being kind of a car-head guy as well as a performer, so the men shrug and let things plow forth.

Debbie Gibson puts on her shiny face as project manager, even though she and none of the other women know anything about cars. As long as there will be singing, she's game. Van-driven meetings, team-member exclusion and exciting Andretti-fueled test driving fill up the hour. The Buick marketing team warn Carolla not to go "beer commercial" with the humor and he asks if that means former Buick spokesman Tiger Woods references are out of the question. The marketers' stony silence sets the tone for Carolla's somewhat suicidal mission to drive "the shirts" to grim-faced distraction. That's what makes him so beneficial to this show.

Aubrey O'Day of the amazing fluorescent hair assures us watching at home that she's always been a part of the "cool van" when it comes to splitting up her team by think-tank van. Also, that without her creative input, the other women would lack any ideas whatsoever. She's full of pride for making the in-studio audience grieve over her dead-from-a-car-accident mother, which never actually happened—she just made up that story to sell a Buick. I cannot wait for her to be fired. But I will miss drawing her hair.

The presentations are both awkward in distinctly excruciating ways. Gibson's presentation is unfocused and lacks technical expertise. Carolla's team relies on the concept of heckling for a car brand hoping to appear elegant and timeless. There's laughter during presentation, even among the suits, but also that grim pursed-lip facial expression that precedes heads rolling.

And rolling along into the boardroom, Trump drags this one out, trying to get the celebrities to turn on one another, which they do. This show is not exactly entertaining--more of a "there for the grace of God..." experience. But I must admit that tonight over a humble meal of vegetarian chili, my husband brought up a managerial-issue work story that was very similar to some of the scenarios and questions that Trump poses in his boardroom meetings. Could this show actually reflect something out of real life?! I'm afraid it does!

Buick picks the women for the win. Debbie's charity, Children International, will get $50,000, courtesy of the show and Buick. Good deal. The men, having lost, must pick upon one another like vultures on carrion. Adam Carolla refuses to name two team members that he would fire and for that Trump punishes him by firing Carolla and Michael Andretti. Andretti has that shocked "I was here as a favor to my son who couldn't fulfill his duties due to personal tragedy, and now this?" look as he enters the elevator of shame and town car of purgatory. The men all thinks Lou Ferrigno should have been fired, because of his propensity of wanting to rip his shirt off for every challenge, and referring to himself in the beloved third person, as in "Everybody loves Lou Ferrigno." We shall see...

On to the hair:

Tia Carrere is under-utilized by her team and it's not fair! Debbie Gibson is ever-ready for the Buick spotlight.

The AVClub recapper thinks Clay Aiken has something up his sleeve. What makes her think that I wonder? Aubrey O'Day channels my sadistic fourth-grade teacher with her frightening bouffant and spiderweb dress.

Michael Andretti and Ivanka Trump keep it simple and straightforward with their hairstyles. Trump's girlish tresses make her doubly scary when she sternly accuses Andretti of avoiding the perfect challenge for him: a Buick account.

Adam Carolla's rumpled persona and wisecracks will be missed. As someone who has worked in many offices, I will say that those traits will only get you so far. And that's why there are no comedians in the boardroom.
Carolla cannot contain his disgust over boardroom shenanigans.

Trump has a weird, almost Shakespearan conversation with Arsenio Hall about hair before the firing commences. After complimenting Hall several times on how good he looks, Trump points to Arsenio's shaved head and admits that sometimes he thinks of doing that himself, just "shaving the whole thing off." All of us in the TV audience and no doubt those in the boardroom sucked in our breaths, imagining this scenario for a brief moment. Arsenio broke the tension by saying that it was best to let "God decide when the hair will go." Trump nodded sagely but avoided shouting, "My kingdom for a decent head of hair!" or anything of that sort.

I'm sick of drawing Trump's super-crabby "firing face." So here's his hair, floating in space, where it belongs.

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