Big Man Japan at the Red Vic

Playing tonight and tomorrow at the Red Vic on Haight Street: Big Man Japan.



Obviously a must-see.

Look at all this lovely, lovely liquor

Shopping at my nearby Trader Joe's this week, I rounded the corner of the last aisle and came upon this:



I had to photograph it as evidence that California knows how to party. How do I know this? Because I've been living in SW Washington State for the past two years and you will never see this selection in a Trader Joe's or any other store other than one sanctioned by the government if you go there.

They make you work hard for your liquor in Washington. And when you go to the government-sanctioned liquor store, you better have some valid I.D. because even if you're in your 70s, like my dad trying to get his allotment of high-end vodka, they STILL card you. It makes no sense but I suppose with the weather being what it is and the abundance of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), plus winding mountain roads, cliff-sides and gorges, perhaps an attempt to curtail the sale of liquor makes some sense.

There's also no doubt some old religious, moral laws from pioneer days affecting the sale of alcohol in Washington. Obviously not enough Catholics settled in the Northwest back in the day. Disclosure: I was raised Catholic and imbibing the occasional glass of wine (or gin or whatever) is not looked down upon by Catholics and can even represent the blood of Christ on occasion. Overall, the Catholic religion puts the spiritual in spirits.

Of course these archaic laws don't stop a drinker from drinking. They just make it harder to get the drinks without going to a bar. So when I turned that corner in Trader Joe's and saw all the lovely, expensive, imported booze, my heart sang. Not because I'm a big drinker or even have a home bar stocked for visitors (you're getting beer, wine and probably vodka at my house at all times and that's about it), but because if I ever DO need to obtain some tequila, scotch, grappa, or schnapps, I know EXACTLY where to go and I couldn't say the same at my old house. Just one more reason to feel at home in California, where the ouzo flows like wine.

Unfortunate Classic Music Videos

Billy Ocean - Loverboy

One of those "must be seen to be believed" experiences that I can't begin to describe here. I'd rather imagine the initial creative-team meeting with Billy, to vaguely go over their concept for this one.

Team leader: Well, Mr. Ocean, as you can see, the outline features a really hip bar scene with a dramatic occurrences that will take place within the beach-front club. We don't have the storyboards as of yet, but I think you'll agree: This one will up your "cool" factor by exponential ten!

Ocean: Sounds good. Will I have a role?

Team leader's assistant: You'll be performing within the context of the dramatic action!

Ocean: Fine, fine. Draw up a contract. I have to get to a recording session now. Let me know when the second-unit crew has finished shooting so you can edit me in there.

Team leader and cohorts: Affirmative Billy Ocean! See you at the MTV awards of 1985!

As Ocean leaves the room, the creative team high-fives one another while adjusting their thick eyeglasses and snorting with pleasure.


Kansas - Dust in the Wind

KANSAS - Dust In The Wind
Uploaded by danadi33. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

The minor-key classic gets a fittingly somber treatment for the video. But we must ask ourselves: do we want to see the group in foggy tableau, playing a dirge while wearing prom-night outfits in soft-focus? Does that benefit us or the group? They look like a bunch of guys whose coke deal fell through just before filming began. It's appropriately sad but takes away from the overall suicidal hopelessness of the song itself.


Journey - Separate Ways

Journey - Separate Ways (original)
Uploaded by Tremechan. - See more comedy videos.

From the ugly and low-cost warehouse backdrop to Steve Perry's hysteria-infused dramatic performance, this one's an all-time classic bad music video from frame one. It's got terribly unflattering hair, a big mustache, air keyboard, Perry's tight T-shirt/jeans combination that would help catapult him to hyperbolic stardom, plus some kind of home-made industrial musical instruments that can't possibly sound good even within experimental standards, and a forklift. And the 80s staple: white pumps with a black leather skirt.

High-quality version here if you need complete clarity of vision. And a really admirable move-for-move remake, proving that even terrible productions can be inspiring and even worthwhile if they don't make our brains explode in the process.


And while I'm at it, I cannot ignore Steve Perry's postmodern take on Oh Sherrie. Just because he's making fun of high-concept music video, doesn't make it any less shitty when he launches into "sincere" mode. A not-so-bad bombastic love ballad made brain-meltingly annoying on film. Thousands of Perry fans will now attack me with sharp pointed objects but I've always thought that Journey is the greatest band for people who generally hate music.



Guns N' Roses - November Rain

Guns N' Roses - November Rain (ByZakelis)
Uploaded by Zakelis. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

Epic, expensive, macabre, dramatic, pointless, stupid, unnecessary in the extreme; this was the "Heaven's Gate" of music videos. No amount of high production values and scenery could disguise the fact that the song wasn't very good and just as pieced together as this disjointed narrative. At least Axl isn't swimming with the dolphins (while wearing his Charles Manson T-shirt).

Here's to good friends...

It won't be long now and we'll be "entertaining" in our new abode. The boxes are (somewhat) unpacked; the kitchen is kind of functional; the decor is happening (in my head). Just DON'T go in the garage. Best of all: the friends are nearby and willing. Here's to you.

Rye Rye 4th of July - Bang

The latest from Baltimore's Rye Rye, directed by M.I.A. (swear-word chorus). Have a good fourth. I like to imagine Thomas Jefferson visiting the current White House and doing a tremendous double-take. Ha!

Mrs. Slocombe has left the building

I don't know if you've ever been privy to "Are You Being Served," the British sitcom that was in constant rotation on Bay Area PBS throughout the 90s. I never get through an entire episode, but let me say this, Mollie Sugden, who played middle-aged Mrs. Slocombe with her multi-colored hair, was a funny, funny lady.

What I liked about Sugden was that she didn't mind playing her character as mostly unlikable. Mrs. Slocombe was a bit of a grotesque, but a proper one who always stood at attention just so. She was fussy and clueless and her hair was a different color for every episode. I honestly watched the first five minutes of every show to see what she looked like, especially her incredible outdoors-wear.

At age 86, Mollie Sugden has left us.



Thank you, ONTD for helping me blog this week while I'm unpacking. There will be no "deep thoughts" while I'm moving into my new home.

RIP Sir Billy Mays, Knight of Consumer Products

Now why am I all sad about the death of Billy Mays? The man was obnoxious, yet I did believe in his products. He was talented at convincing me that way.

He was kind of like the kid in your junior high who was socially awkward, but not in an introverted way--in a loud, booming, in-your-face way. The kid who didn't know when to pull back and give it a rest to let you absorb his presence. The kid who tried too hard but who was basically good inside. That's the Billy Mays pitchman persona. He knows he's being too loud, too forceful, too TOO, but dammit, this product needs to be in your possession and he'll make sure it's so.

Two weeks ago before our move, I finally bought a Billy Mays product. Can you guess what it was? Of course, it was KABOOM Bowl Blaster. I always loved the name, the magenta bottle and the foaming action. Who ISN'T attracted by a foaming toilet-bowl cleaner? Come clean, consumers. You want some KABOOM.

My excuse is that I've been using natural, bio-degradable products in the home for several years now and as a result, my toilets in Vancouver, WA looked like crap. There's something in the water up there, like lime or something, that makes stains. Kind of greenish-brown stains, all around the rim, wherever there's been water passing through. So I got some KABOOM. I was willing to try anything. Even bleach hadn't worked. So I let it foam away. It kind of smells like raspberry gummy sours, which is a weird smell in a bathroom.

Did it work? No. Stains were still there, although slightly faded. Perhaps I had waited too long and the hard-water build-up had completely taken over, but it was fun and I enjoyed the experience. I left it behind for the new owners. I thought it would cheer them up to get in their brand new Northwestern digs and find a magenta bottle of KABOOM in the bathroom. A little welcoming present. Now it will have extra resonance with the passing of Billy Mays.

The geniuses at ONTD have noted that the Discovery Channel has scheduled a "Pitchmen" marathon for Wed., July 1st from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Mays and Anthony "Sully" Sullivan co-hosted the behind-the-scenes show about the making and marketing of infomercial-product inventions. I don't have cable at the moment, or even TV itself, but I just thought you would want to know.