You might think I'm floundering during the recession; sending out an uninterrupted stream of resumes that never get answered (not even a rejection letter!), begging friends and family for tips, contacts, money; eating at home seven nights a week, as if I were back in San Francisco, working full time.
No, I have a sound, financial plan and a BIG announcement to make: Captive Wild Woman introduces my own line of fabulous dolls. I worked with the world's finest doll artists to design my own visions of doll collectibles. All priced affordably after I get the licensing agreements ironed out. So here they are, right off the production line (trademark pending). Start saving now, for these will surely be a wise investment.
Who loves dolls? That creepy older woman who lives down the street and never opens her blinds--sure. But no, really who LOVES dolls? Little girls. And little girls really love fairies, rainbows, ponies, unicorns, purple, pink and butterflies. Hence, the fantabulous Rainbow Uni-Fairy-Ponytopia Doll! All things girlish in one doll. Not intended for play, due to sharp objects.
What about the tween set? They're too OLD for dolls, right? Wrong! They want action figures. But not just any action figures will do. That's why I present, Nick and Norah Action Figures from the hip, happening film, "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist."
Nick (Michael Cera) and Norah (Kat Dennings) find love, treachery, awkwardness, drunkeness, benevolent doormen, gay social support-system independent musicians (our next doll line!), Christmas-caroling drag queens (our third doll line!), and indie rock on the magical streets of Manhattan, or Brooklyn, or is it Toronto?, all in the span of one night! Celebrate their romantic, passive-aggressive adventures with these sensitive, misunderstood action figures (orange Yugo Dream Car sold separately).
Sometimes, we doll designers have to try something new, something fresh and different. We don't want to stagnate around here! So here's our newest, freshest offering: Old Guy Doll. Who wants to play or display a reminder of our later years and inevitable demise? What's the point of aging, you may ask? But wait! There's so much more to Old Guy than meets the eye.
What about his fabulous outfits? That's right--Old Guy can be dressed up in several engrossing ways. Witness for yourself his nearly miraculous versatility. You get more bang for your doll buck with Old Guy.
Perhaps you've got a hankerin' for alternate realities. Then the "Timothy Leary" ensemble is for you. Tune in, turn on, drop out with this baby-boomer special. A psychedelic jumpsuit, hat and dilated contacts will have you spinning in orbit for hours to come.
Maybe you're of a more conservative bent. We've got you covered with "Christian God" dress-up wear for Old Guy. Be in awe of him, pray to him, laugh, cry and prostate yourself. This Christian God doll is the life of the party and a symbol of all things miraculous and merciful.
More down-to-Earth? How about our "Noam Chomsky" ensemble? Your Old Guy Doll is ready for intellectual action in his cardigan, over-sized forehead, wig, and professorial spectacles. Your IQ will go up just by adding him to your shopping cart.