I have to de-personalize my house to put it on the market today and as I take down the family photos and colorful little tchockes, let me just get through the moment by saying, "I ain't missing you, Northwest." And here's a list of everything I ain't missing. But first the musical accompaniment (if you can take it):
There. Now, let's get started:
Nature: My house is surrounded by giant trees that could crush me in half a second. They blow in the wind and house thousands of birds throughout the year. The squirrels run rampant from bough to roof and back again, burying nuts in our yard and hopping about in the tall grass. In any direction driving a half-hour to an hour away is an ocean, river, lake or multiple waterfalls. Plus a gorge with stunning vistas. I ain't missing you!
Kids: All you kids, running around and playing with my son, laughing, being innocent and having fun. And your school with its dedicated, hard-working staff and teachers and volunteer art program that allowed me to teach you art for the last two years, covering Matisse, Pollock, Warhol, Mucha, Escher and hand-carved carousel horses from the Italian artisans of the 19th century. I ain't missing you!
Portland: With all your distinct, interesting neighborhoods and architecture and neon signs, friendly people and culture up the wazoo. The delicious food, dessert treats, coffee and brews, who needs 'em? Your film festivals, low cost-of-living, altruism, love of theater, art and writing...I ain't missing you!
Peace and quiet: Overrated! I ain't missing you at all!
Burgerville: Your delicious cheeseburgers, sweet-potato fries and fresh, seasonal blackberry shakes cannot be replicated. I'll come back to visit you. But I ain't missing you! Oh no.
Later this week, I'll write about what I'll REALLY not miss. Every place has that list too, you know.