Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Kardashian Haiku

For years my way of dealing with the Kardashian media juggernaut was to completely ignore everything about it. Or at least attempt to. I've seen maybe a total of 30 minutes of any given Kardashian reality show in total. The bits and pieces of their lives don't add up to much for me. As soon as one of their cell phones ring, or they get a text, that's the cue for drama. Otherwise, it's Kardashian konversation and that is not engrossing to say the least.

Everything about the Kardahsians seems scripted, at least to my ears. They just love being in front of the camera TOO MUCH. They are very boring people without a lot of thought processes going on, but they must manufacture some kind of interpersonal drama for every episode of their show(s). Perhaps that's what their audience finds appealing—I DON'T KNOW. Someone must be buying their shows, klothes, lingerie, perfume and nail polish. Or is it all a tremendous kosmic joke on all of us?

I do know that the time for ignoring the Kardashians is over. They are too ubiquitous, proactive, and in my face for that strategy to work anymore. I'm going to saturate this post with Kardashian fever, embracing their desire to infiltrate every pore of our consciousness. I present: Kardashian Haiku.

You might find these haiku edgy with what appears to be underlying rage on my part. That passion, that loathing of everything Kardashian, I hope will carry me to the big time. That's right: the Nobel Prize for Literature for reality-television poetry. Let the haiku commence.

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Kim, quite alluring
yet so incredibly dull
a kontradiction

Khloe and Lamar
taking a break from TV
just keep doing that

Who is Khloe's dad?
Who would start such a rumor?
probably her mom

Kim and Kris Humphries
marriage of the century
blinked and I missed it

Scott is a funny
sociopath, perfect for
this korporate klan

Kris Kardashian
gives the public what they want
empire-building pimp

Bruce Jenner must still
be punishing himself for
Can't Stop The Music

More Kardashians
waiting in the TV wings
that's purgatory!

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