Monday, February 27, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice Hair Recap - Ep 2 Getting Medieval

It's time already for another Celebrity Apprentice hair recap: episode two: Getting Medieval (or Mid-Evil, as Victoria Gotti might say). This season of Celebrity Apprentice has ultra-fabulous hair, so I'm just recapping that. If I had to recap the whole show, no telling what my mental state would be in a month or two.

This episode was full of action and adventure. The two gender-based teams had to come up with a costumed, entertaining, fight-based skit for the New Jersey mead-serving dinner theater, Medieval Times. I've never been to Medieval Times, but it looks like you sit in a galley and get to wave a little flag while you chew on mutton. I'm assuming serving wenches are on hand to fulfill any of your medieval dietary needs.

The men, led by Penn Jillette, put on a variety-type show with fire-eating and juggling (Penn, in full carnival-barker mode), singing (Clay Aiken, reaching for the vocal stars), enunciating (George Takei, expert in perfect diction), and cross-dressing (Dee Snider bedecked as "Lady Dee Dee," and just hearing Takei say "Lady Dee Deeee" in his mellifluous tones was worth watching the entire show). Lady Dee Dee's hair, by the way, was lovely. Lou Ferrigno got to fight lustily with swords and Paul Teutul, Sr. rode into the ring on a dragon chopper. That guy is all about choppers.

It looked like a good time until Dee fractured his finger when his horse was spooked by Clay's tambourine playing. Therein Donald Trump at the board meeting kept joking that he should fire the injured Twisted Sister frontman just so he'd have a really bad day. Ever see a photo of a star-nosed mole? I think of that creature every time Trump tries to be funny.

Meanwhile, the women-folk, led by dirty comic, Lisa Lampanelli, put on a more nuanced skit featuring the "Unreal Housewives of Camelot," complete with New Jersey-based, table-tossing, Real Housewife, Teresa Giudice. Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, rode on a horse in a flesh-toned body-suit, and there was a Debbie Gibson sword-fighting crotch-shot, plus a Tia Carrere accidental boob reveal--something for everyone. Except for the moms and children in the galley, apparently, because the men's team won by over a hundred votes. Jillette's charity, Opportunity Village, will get the $20,000 win, matched by Medieval Times. Good deal!

Much cat-fighting ensued in the board room and in the end Victoria Gotti was fired for almost quitting when she didn't get an acting role, for misspelling "medieval" as "mid-evil" even though she was surrounded by items that had the name "Medieval Times" printed on them, and for missing some sound cues. I will miss her freaky Totally Hair Barbie look.

Celebrity hair time!

Trump hates firing Victoria Gotti because they are both snake-like.
Arsenio Hall's hair days are long gone but he wears a cool helmet.

The brave Lady Dee Dee has gravely injured her finger.

Aubrey O'Day reacting in the board room--I could draw her hair FOREVER. Paul Teutul, Sr.'s mutton chops will not be denied.
Victoria Gotti enters the elevator of shame. Farewell to her incredible hair!

And yet--controversy! When Gotti exits the building to the sound of doomed orchestration, she suddenly sports ringlets. But, seconds later, she's driving away in the limo of purgatory, and her hair is straightened again. Is she channeling Quick Curl Barbie? Are the editors trying to pull a fast one on us? Thank GOD I'm here to recap the hair of Celebrity Apprentice--otherwise we'd never know. We may still never know...

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