Celebrity Wife Swap poetry recap - Antonio Sabato, Jr./Mick Foley

It's wrap-up time for this season of Celebrity Wife Swap. It went by so fast! Especially when I think of all the poetry it's inspired for me. What other reality show could serve as my muse? None. Only Celebrity Wife Swap is worthy of lyrical recap thought processes.

And what a finale! World Wrestling Entertainment mega-star, best-selling author, and all-around good guy, Mick "Mankind/Cactus Jack" Foley, trades wives with Calvin Klein supermodel and General Hospital heartthrob, Antonio Sabàto, Jr. It's a night of stars and the women and children who live with them!

This would include Mick's wife of 17 years, former model Colette, and their four children who never help out mom around the house, and their poopy little dog, Randall. Then there's Sabàto's fiancé, Cheryl, a model and self-diagnosed clean-freak perfectionist with OCD issues (uh oh); plus Sabàto's nine-year-old daughter, Mina (actress Virginia Madsen's child--yo, star-studded!), and the couple's three-month-old baby, Antonio, Jr. (Jr. Jr.?).

Turns out Cheryl and Mina are both wrestling fans, so they're psyched about Mick Foley. And Colette, though a seemingly loving wife and mother, is more than thrilled to be hanging around some Antonio Sabàto, Jr. man-beauty, even if it's a temporary situation. When Foley finds out his wife is living with the former billboard-underwear model, he proclaims, "OK--that's a wrap! Everyone go home now!"

Given the epic nature of the show, I think a Sonnet is in order. With apologies to Shakespeare (and everyone else), I give you  

Celebrity Wife Swap - The Most Explosive Reunion Ever.

Celebrity Wife Swap, for now, must end

A season with too many memories to mention

But celebrities will be back to work on their brand

While attempting to lessen marital tensions

Mick Foley and Antonio Sabato, Jr.’s families blend

One, a laid-back mess, wrestling for fun

The other, a compulsive unit where cleaning’s a trend

Antonio’s abs appear in multitudes, so well done

Colette is tired of cleaning for six

Cheryl could clean for ten thousand or more

This is a recipe for potential conflicts

Or else the finale will be a big bore

Cheryl leaves 65 itemized tasks for Colette to do,

Six pages of notes on the refrigerator door

Colette has left nothing for Cheryl but doggie doo

On the luxurious tile of her kitchen floor

And that bothers Cheryl who likes everything just so

Dirt and clutter are like a pressure-cooker for her, Oh-Ho!

Colette takes care of the baby; Mina has chores and gymnastics

Antonio takes his shirt off for car-washing and workouts

And this causes Colette to be slightly lovesick

But she worries about Mina’s type-A-schedule and burnout

She’s seen kids like this, rebel and turn to drugs

Why can’t the family relax and chill for a bit?

She’s being realistic, and not a bit smug

But at least she doesn’t have to clean up dog shit

Cheryl is living in housekeeping purgatory

The kids never help and Mick’s always at work

He needs a make-over in this edited love story

Will Cheryl come through for the ABC Network?

Rules-change day! Colette says: time-out for some fun

Cheryl makes a list of chores to complete

Antonio’s not sure and appears to be stunned

While Mick’s kids complain like the 1% elite

But it all works out in the end, as usual

Slobs clean up their mess and compulsives have a ball

There are barbecues and miniature golf

Tidiness and walks on the beach

Dance lessons, dental work, and Mick’s new coif

Celebrities really are just like you and me

But reunion time is filled with strife

Cheryl feels attacked for her perfectionism

Perhaps there is jealousy over Anotonio’s new wife

Or OCD has contributed to this unfortunate schism

Cheryl feels shunned and profoundly dissed

She storms off in a huff with her mic on

Antonio is sorry, professing love for his lady pissed

But her patience and perhaps sanity are long gone

Cheryl is off to stay in a hotel while Mick and Colette say, pish!

That’s crazy talk, Cheryl. It must be hormones

To leave Antonio, who’s such a dish

And so ends Celebrity Wife swap--with a broken home

But wait! Two weeks later Cheryl’s back with Antonio

Like nothing happened and everything’s fine – Oh-Ho!

Relive this season's Celebrity Wife Swap poetic moments...if you dare!

Niecy Nash/Tina Yothers Haiku
Bowling Alone with Flavor Flav (and Dee Snider)
Gary Busey Loves a Good Beef Rib (with Ted Haggard)
Carnie Wilson Makes Pancakes (with Tracey Gold)