Friday, January 20, 2012

Celebrity Wife Swap poetry recap - Niecy Nash/Tina Yothers

Celebrity Wife Swap episodes are coming fast and furious from ABC, and I've made an insane and inexplicable commitment to recap them in poetry form. But this week's episode, featuring comedian Niecy Nash and former child star Tina Yothers, just didn't inspire me to great poetic heights.

I'm not blaming Niecy or Tina. Niecy's work on Reno 911 puts her in the pantheon of TV satirists I'll always love and respect. And Tina Yothers was great as the deadpan smart-ass little sister on Family Ties, until she hit her awkward years and quit television to sing in a band with her brother.

(Note: this is not Tina's band, Jaded, but a precursor as featured on Family Ties.)

(Niecy shows up about a minute in. Reno 911 is NSFW, just so you know.)

Their families are great, living on polar opposite planes. Niecy's glamorous city life with teenagers and workaholic (and hot) dad contrasts with Tina's country ways with chickens and camping trips with her electrical contractor husband. Everyone learns Valuable Lessons and everyone is very sweet-natured in this episode, with the exception of four-year-old Yothers-spawn, Bobby, who reacts to his substitute mom with supreme brattiness. But do I want to write poetry about a willful toddler from Ontario, California?

Let's go with Haikus.

Tina, Niecy, swap
Child threatens/rooster attacks
ABC reaches

Niecy goes camping
bitching vociferously
Why sleep on the ground
when you don't have to?

Tina watches Gram
doing all the housekeeping
ignored by family

Bobby, a challenge.
Pushing Niecy in the fire
will not endear her

Teen-agers are tough
barely talking to Tina
or one another

Tina hosts dinner
around a table. How quaint.
Gram likes this Tina

Niecy adds glamour
Mani-pedis and tough love
red carpet weirdness

Tina tries horses
Teen-agers overcome their fears
but still miss the mall

Valuable Lessons
We're all learning them, aren't we?
on Celebrity Wife Swap

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