What next, Sarah Palin?

She's over! It's dunzo! So say the naysayers who said, "No, no, never!" to Sarah Palin. But just because she quit being the governor of Alaska doesn't mean she can't make a difference. There's tons for Sarah Palin to do. She's the go-to gal who gets it done, maverically. So put on your thinkin' caps and let's get to speculatin'.

I'd like to see her put her obvious charisma to work by bringing back the rave scene of the early 90s. It's due for a revival and I can see her being the consummate show-woman, hiring the best DJs and most talented light-show technicians, supplying subliminal messages to today's about-to-turn-18-youth. And there's lots of available warehouse spaces, thanks to the recession.

Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get one of these secret invites and if you can decipher the contents: you get to go to the dance. Stuff those supplements in your backpack and I'll see you in the smart-drink lounge or the chill room, whichever I stumble upon first.



There's nothing like a graduation commencement speech. For sheer boredom! At my graduation, a girl sitting behind me talked on her cell phone during the entire commencement, being given by a lady astronaut. I couldn't decide if I should focus on the phone conversation, which was basically: I'm at graduation. Right now! That's right. I'm graduating at this moment! Or the astronaut, who let us know we could strive to be anyone we chose to be (very meaningful to us film-school grads). And so I was doubly annoyed and bored--slam-dunk, SFSU.

But Sarah Palin is a born commencement speaker and I defy you to find anyone more annoying or boring to send you on your way in today's career landmine of opportunities.

A visit to the Palin Fictional Quote Generator will give you a taste of what you're in for with a very special commencement with Sarah Palin.

And as Ronald Reagan believed that whether that is part of the solution or not back and forth.

Some decisions that have been made poorly, working with existing allies - they want freedom.

We don't have to second-guess obsessive partisanship at a crisis time like this.

We can't afford to lose powerful nation to look at that as more opportunity.

Thank you, graduates. Due to budget cuts, please return your mortar boards to the registrar on your way out of the auditorium so that we may use them for next year's commencement.


Nobody loves comedy jokes like Sarah Palin. She's been working on a routine for open mic night in a classy joint near you. Let's listen in, shall we?

So I noticed that everyone looks so clean-cut and American in this audience. Raise your hand if you're a true American from a small town. Good for you, sir. And what is your name? Rusty? Well, Rusty, I'm just so pleased to have you in my audience tonight! Let's give it up for Rusty everyone [applause].

And Rusty, who did you vote for in the last election? What? Well, he's not from this country you know. He's from somewhere over the border, like Africa. Of course, I'm from over the border too--the Canadian border, but only if you're traveling by car. Your American-made car, of course. And not any ol' cash-for-clunker or what-have you!

So did you know that our president, who you voted for, Rusty, you naughty man, did you know his middle name is HUSSEIN? What's up with that? Can you believe our president has such a crazy, crazy name? Call me naive, but isn't that just a little bit far-fetched and FOREIGN to the concept of presidential electional processes? What? Oh my time is up ladies and gentlemen. You've been a lovely audience. Even you, Rusty. I'll be here until 2012. Thank you and g'night!