Friday, August 05, 2011

Images for Ultimate Search-Engine Optimization

Search-Engine Optimization (SEO) is what the Internet is ALL about. Ever wonder why your favorite pop-culture blog has so many posts on Lindsay Lohan, even though they're repetitive and depressing (potential jail-time, drunk and disorderly, back in rehab, looking pretty crack-y)? Well, it's because every time someone types in "Lindsay Lohan" into a search engine's "find" box, every pop-culture blog is hoping to be number one on that list. Or at least in the top ten. Otherwise: horrors! Web readers will NEVER find that blog. And then it's on to Justin Bieber.

There's enough idiots out there searching for Lindsay Lohan, to make every site make sure that she's well represented on a daily basis. Clogging up the pop-culture pipeline with her current uselessness is just one of many job descriptions Ms. Lohan can put on her resume.

But what about THIS blog? Captive Wild Woman is not immune to the problematic nature of search popularity. We at CWW headquarters have noted a distinct trend while studying our Web stats and analytic pie charts: images are fueling this blog's search popularity more than writing. And obscure films and satirical content are just not attracting the masses like they used to. If they ever did. So with that in mind, here's a grab-bag of jpg images for ultimate SEO.

Have at it, searchers. I think I can supply you what you're looking for from my extensive, years-in-the-making collection of ultimate graphic content.

Fluffernutter Sandwich - look no further. It's right here.
Fluffernutter Sandwich

Fuck This Guy - I really think this is a useful jpg image. Not just useful but beautiful. It's beautiful, man.
Fuck This Guy - Westboro Baptist Church

Rat Playing Saxophone - Why do you own a dog or a cat? Can they do this? I think not, at least not with any shred of dignity.
Rat playing a saxophone

Van Halen - they're rocking out with the cocks out. Or as close as they legally can to that. File this in your important archives for future reference because today's rockers are wimps who refuse to wear Spandex.
Van Halen in Spandex(tm)

Puppy - Look at this puppy! All puppyin' out and goddammit, it's a puppy. You need this puppy image in your life. You know you do.
Adorable puppy pic

Forget the puppy. Here's 80s pop genius Prince. If you look at only one Prince image today, make it this one.
Prince looks good in yellow

Forget Prince. Look at Roxy Music. They are so much cooler than anyone on the planet before or since. That's value-added.
Very cool Roxy Music photo

Sad Keanu with Bunnies - This will be generating millions of hits. I hope the Blogger servers can handle it!
Sad Keanu with bunnies

Can never get enough Gary Busey.
Lots of Gary Buseys

Sorry, but I gotta slip this one in, "Dawson Crying." It's just a formality due to its ongoing popularity as an image. Carry on.
Dawson crying

Lindsay Lohan and Paula Abdul - you're welcome.
Lindsay Lohan with pal Paula Abdul


Soup and Song said...

Wow, this is a treasure trove! I just wanna say that if anyone will pay me the salary that Van Halen make to be a rocker, I'll wear spandex with a smile! I would even start a band with that rodent playing the saxophone. And no, my Great Dane cannot play the saxophone! And if I had to choose between that puppy & Prince, I think I would choose the puppy. That is all. Thank you, CWW for making me smile!

Miss Lisa said...

You're welcome, Soup and Song. I'm sure this post will generate a lot of hits and plenty of Twitter followers and Facebook friends and super-popularity all around. But I do it for the love of it.