Wednesday, August 13, 2008

She's Got Mary-Kate Olsen Eyes

MaryKateandAshley Year of Celebrations doll--college styleLet's take a pause from real life and focus on Mary-Kate Olsen for a moment, shall we? In the "what the hell is wrong with me" department lies several concepts, one of which is my ongoing disturbance whenever confronted by either Olsen twin, but especially Mary-Kate. Why? Well with all her well-publicized problems (anorexia, rehab, her thing with Heath Ledger; Heath--what the hell?), the media has branded her "the evil twin."

Whether or not that's true, you must admit: making a billion dollars by age 14 is creepy, twins in general are creepy, boho fashion scenes are creepy, "Full House" was really creepy. It all adds up to one petite little package of creepy. I think the secret lies within her eyes. Look at them. Lovely liquid circles of blue one minute; demonic, blank depths from hell the next. What is she on anyway to make her eyes do that? She and Ashley (the "demure" one) are 22, yet they often seem ancient, ancient, ancient.

The doll is my $3 Ross special from the era of "The Olsen Twins Go To College!" Obviously their choice of NYU made these dolls obsolete before they even hit the shelves, with their "GO TEAM" bullhorn accessories and "I can't wait to go to my first college football game!" quote on the box. Especially poignant since Mary-Kate was always sold as "the sporty one" before she went off the rails into tabloid land. It can't be a good thing to be for sale at such a young age. Let's peek into the windows of the soul and see what we can decipher.

O-kaaaaaay...

It's always a peculiar thing, watching someone grow up on screen. Here, Mary-Kate shows off her sophisticated eye-style.
Dilated but sweet. Those camera flashes are brutal.
This is not her best look and leads me to suspect that there are mind-altering substances out there that I can't begin to fathom. I'm a little lost girl! With property in Manhattan!
Nobody hides behind the big shades like Mary-Kate. They're practically as big as her head. Maybe someone can manufacture glasses that actually wrap around the entire top of the head, like a helmet with eye-slits to peek out of. I think that would be quite chic!
Whoa--when did she turn 45? This is what I look like on a good day. And I'm 44.
Wholesome Olsen. Swiss Miss instant cocoa will warm you up inside.
Photoshop sure is swell.
Oh! Sorry to intrude.
Well, there you have it. A little tour of Mary-Kate Olsen's eyes. I hope you found the journey as fascinating as anything out there in celebrity blog-land. No?

How rude!

5 comments:

Tuckers said...

She jsut looks like she was kicked off the back of the CRACK truck. Except her CRACK truck is a super-extended Hummer-Bentley hybrid. But CRACK truck all the same.

Lisa Mc said...

You know, when you think about it, a billion dollars WOULD buy a lot of crack.

Yup, yup, yup. That would be a large pile of crack all right.

Anonymous said...

well ...it took me a long time to understand why are you writing all those wrong shit about mary kate ...you are jealous of her eyes!!!
yeah darling ...shes gorgeous,she has the most beautiful shade of green!!she lives her life in her way ...and thats the way it suposed to be!cant believe how can someone be that mean.....uuuugggghhhh ...hate you jealous ppl

Anonymous said...

Despite all the trials and tabulations in her life, despite all the criticism and joking at her expense, despite the life threatening health problems caused by tremendous social and business pressures we could never begin to understand or even imagine, despite all that, she doesn't give up, she doesn't give in, she lives her life her way. Why? Because it's the only way. She has to resist the pressure to be what others want her to be, or those pressures will tear her apart.dont be so mean ...she had a lot of bad things and situations in her life ....love you mary kate...always have always will

Anonymous said...

You're 44??
And a jelous dog? Wow.
you really do have a lot going for you. good luck, you sad ass.
And you could only dream of living life like her, so if it makesyou feel better about yourself, picking out non-existant fault with her eyes, then i suggest you get proffesional help.