Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Curse of the Comic-Strip Mom Hair

So much to be anxious about lately; the economy; the endless presidential campaign; the endless baseball season; the environment; ACORN; the rising joblessness rate... You know what's been really getting to me? Terrible mom hair in today's syndicated comic strips. Why must it look so lumpy, unflattering and unreal? I realize it's not easy cranking out thousands of strips over the course of a career, but surely, hair cannot be THAT hard to replicate, panel after panel. Why must the moms suffer the most?

Note for example: Sally Forth. What gives, Sally Forth? What's with the flippy thing at the ends, PLUS the lumps on top? And why must you smirk throughout every trial and tribulation? What will it take for you to finally get a makeover and to change facial expressions every once in a while? Cancer? Homelessness? A swift kick in the slacks?

I won't hold my breath. Sally's tween-age daughter Hillary only recently took the bows out of her strangely placed pony-tails. No wonder she only has one friend in middle school.

Wanda McPherson of "Baby Blues" isn't doing much better. It's like her head is a Rorschach test. I see...Jello shots on a JC Penney bathmat. Or possibly Crow mating season...?

To be fair, all the McPhersons have bad hair, in keeping with the Simpsons comedy stylings of looking bad, being funny.

Luann's mom, Nancy DeGroot, another lumpy brunette, had a makeover several years ago. You can see the improvement. From round bumps to that layered roof-shingle look. What does she do all day besides make caustic remarks about the nature of raising teenagers, while holding a dish towel? Another mom comic-strip mystery of the ages.

Then there's Elly Patterson in "For Better or for Worse." Twenty-nine years in a comic strip and her hair never improved. At least there were strands. Individual strands. Thank you Lynn Johnston for taking the time to draw actual hair on your character's heads. Appreciated.

Diane Wilkins, mom to "Curtis," also had a makeover at some point. From mullet to pageboy.

But just when you thought things were improving for mom hair, there's Rose from "Rose is a Rose." WHAT is going on HERE? Is that a birth defect? I'm just trying to understand.

Madeline Otterloop of "Cul de Sac" isn't helping matters any. But again, to be fair, her entire family AND their friends all have weird hair. I like this strip. It's kind of like if David Lynch wrote about preschool experiences. Really. Therefore, the hair should be strange and it is.

I think I'll stop here. Thank you and good night.

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